Amiibo Detestible - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival

...
...
Well...
Yeah...
Hello beautiful people of the Internet...
And not so beautiful ones...
This is...
Uh... This is not good!
Uh, yup...
But this isn't enough, oh no. Let's take a moment to... 'appreciate' the wonders... of how a game this bad can exist!
Now, now Sin, calm down a second... I assure you this game isn't... you know... it's not that bad.
Yeah right! Just... ugh! This is Animal Crossing... (sigh) Amiibo Festival...

The faces of Tom Nook and K.K. Slider here are accurate depictions of the average Amiibo Festival player.
Bask in the indifference.
The face of Isabelle here is an accurate depiction of the average Ren playing this game.
Don't make it sound like I enjoyed this disappointment!

Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival, released in November on the WiiU, is another example of Nintendo re-skinning their existing IP's to try and turn a further profit. Similar to the Mario Party games, AC:AF is a board game where players aim to collect as many points as possible. In this case, it's money and happiness, which make perfect sense for this game. Animal crossing is like the tamest game for all ages ever made after all. It's just hard to find any enjoyment in the sweet charming world of Animal Crossing in this one. Like I get it Sin, Mario Party, although they've been getting worse and worse since Mario Party 7 came out, is still a widely popular and fun game. So why not get more worth out of the board game concept? Why? I'll tell you why. Because this is not the way to do it!

AC:AF is nothing short of what I would call a 'bored' game. Yes, it does have it's charms, Ren will continue to blather on about them, but it really is just a slow little board game at the cost of £40 or so. The gameplay consists almost entirely of touching an Amiibo to the WiiU gamepad to roll the dice, and choosing which way you move. That's it. There's not even any mini-games, you know, the GOOD part of Mario Party! Calm down a second Sin, jeez... You know board games just like this were a really popular things back in the day, no mini-games or anything. Yes Ren but we paid for a video game. We paid for fun! The game is so simple I could have made it myself pretty damn easily. Where do Nintendo get off selling this thing for full price! AND while you're not restricted to play without using preset guest characters, the game encourages you to buy Amiibos in order to save progress properly if you play a lot. So basically Nintendo have sold us the game Monopoly, except it only comes with the car shaped playing piece and if you want any more you'll have to buy them separate for half the price of the game!

Amiibo. Now with 70% extra rip off.
And no extra gameplay.

Okay yes so it's an overly-expensive electronic board game, that's not to say there's no enjoyment to be had out of it. Animal Crossing games have always been a relaxing experience and this is no exception. The whole point of the game is to move around the town landing on spaces that will trigger events that earn 'happy points' and money, simple as that. The spaces make it immediately obvious what will happen if you land there. Although it's completely down to luck how much you gain or lose, sometimes you'll gain 500 Bells, others 5,000. There's no real way to tell and it drains even more strategy from a largely monotonous game. In addition, the events are so... so... just so dumb that while you'll get a little enjoyment out of them for a while, they'll quickly become dull and repetitive to anyone that isn't a small child. Animal Crossing games have always been fun for all ages, but this one breaks the trend, because I can't see a way that anyone other than a child can enjoy this one for more than one game. "Today I took a shit in the woods. The cops got mad at me but it helped some guy's flowers grow so instead they paid me for it"

"Sin's Chest" "Definitely not Ren's cock"
HEY!

So it may be a bad game but that doesn't mean there's nothing great here. There's a certain kind of Animal Crossing magic taking place here. The game is played around a calendar basis, with a standard game spanning one whole month. each turn is a day in the calendar, and on particular days certain events take place, for example Jingle the reindeer will always come to town on the 24th turn on a December game. It's a nice unique Animal Crossing addition to the game and there's a little bit in there that will make you want to play through all the months to see what there is. Other events also take place daily throughout the week, with half the spaces on the board being related to special NPC's you'll recognize from actual AC games. Katrina the fortune teller comes to town to change your luck and a number of other characters appear. Those events are repetitive as hell though, and you'll wish you never land on those spaces again after the first time trust me. It's always the same, and slows the pace of the game immensely. There's no fun in always knowing what's coming in a party game. 

Ha. Ha ha. I can hardly contain my laughter.
(Excessive laughing)
(Sigh...)

You've been nothing short of ruthless today Sin.
Well I mean I couldn't help it. Mario Party is dull enough. It's deserved for Nintendo leaving us with this filth in place of a game I've been waiting for.
Hey, admit you were still taken in by how wonderful it looks on WiiU.
Oh yes of course, it looks good, but if I can't go fishing properly and build up a lovely collection of fossils then this Animal Crossing is no friend of mine. I barely liked Happy Home Designer too. When are we getting a REAL Animal Crossing game again? I neeeeeeed that stuff.
Sin really loves the little things in life.
Shut up.

Ren Score: 4/10
Sin Score: 2/10

(It's Christmas next week, we'll probably be busy indulging in new games to review for you guys, so there definitely will be no post next week! You have every right to be deeply disappointed in him)

Wrong End... - Corpse Party: Blood Drive

(GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING. THIS GAME IS RATED 18+. SOME IMAGES MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN)

H-Hello beautiful people of the Internet... BOO! AHHH! Sin! What the hell!? Oh come on! I couldn't help it Ren you've been practically peeing yourself all week because of this game! I-I can't help it okay!? It's creepy as hell. Finally! A horror game that actually does its job (Only because you're a pussy) - We present to you... Corpse Party: Blood Drive!

Corpse Party: Blood Drive is the third installment of the Japanese cult hit horror franchise and is a direct sequel to the second game Book of Shadows. Although we have never played a Corpse Party game before this one the game provides enough background information that allows us to understand exactly what is going on within the first hour or so. Though it references a lot of names you won't understand, and some terminology from previous games the game very kindly explains events from previous games in character profiles found in the Bonus menu. Considering I expected to be as confused as a headless chicken coming into this on it was a pleasant surprise. It's just a shame that a spooky game I was so looking forward to has a number of... other issues...

Ahhh Corpse Party... Join generic overly protective guys #1 and #2...
And whiny, self-blaming girls #1 and #2...
As they embark on an epic quest to probably inevitably die this time. Because Corpse Party.

CP: Blood Drive sees the main surviving cast of the previous games return to the Nirvana that is Heavenly Host Elementary after becoming convinced that further actions within can revive their lost friends. Except now the dimension is crumbling and an even darker being is at its helm. Heavenly Host itself, all its environments and its atmosphere are stunning. It's dark, bleak... the floor is always full of holes... and there's this amazing 3D sound thing they've got going on, where audio was recorded is a very special way such that you can actually 'hear' the direction sound is coming from. And when you're fully immersed in the game those sounds can be genuinely terrifying!. The only problem with this is that unless you're some spineless entity that accepts everything in a game as gospel like Ren here, you will never be immersed in this one.

And here I was thinking Ren was the only crazy guy that performed Romeo and Juliet with the remains of a dead lover.
What th-!? I Never-! Ugh... I think I'm going to throw up...

In fact, Corpse Party: Blood Drive seems to find itself so scary countermeasures have been rigorously put in place to ruin all attempts at immersion! Loading times are scarier than the game itself! It takes roughly five whole minutes to boot up the game each time you turn it on, and there's basically another minute of loading every time you open the menu, move between areas, trigger a cutscene, use an item, switch the character you're controlling... The list just goes on and on! but sin, at least when it's not loading the game is great right? You're kidding me right? The characters walk so slowly you have to run everywhere but there's a hidden stamina gauge you can't see so you can't run all the time! Oh! Oh! and did I mention the frame rate sucks and that every time the game goes to play one of it's 'amazing 3D sound things' the game lags! LAG! IN A SINGLE PLAYER GAME! My God if I wanted to play a game full of lag I'd go play League of Legends! Whoa... Hey well calm down a little Sin, gosh. I mean hey at least the characters are cute right? Sure they are! there's always something great about a game with adorable little 3D chibi sprites isn't there... Oh wait, except they really don't fit into a HORROR game. Like come on how am I supposed to feel scared when all I can so is stare at those big little eyes!

"Uhm yes excuse me I'm trying to be scary but I think somebody CHOSE THE WRONG GRAPHICS SETTINGS"

Okay okay geez... I get it so the game has a couple... Okay, MANY flaws. But ultimately the reason you play Corpse Party is for the story and shock factor is it not? And boy does it have that! Okay... Well.. Well! The game does a wonderful job of pulling off successful jump scares which is way better than can be said for a lot of games. There aren't actually a lot of enemies in the game, they're difficult to see, and more often than not just seem to appear out of nowhere, so when you suddenly see or hear them there's some genuine "OH SHIT" moments. Oh Ren that's a good point... I just remembered something now you said that. Hm? What is it?

Ren literally jumped out of his skin when this CG appeared
H-Hey c'mon it was totally unexpected!
Yeah, I bet that's what she was saying when she died too.

Well I mean as you would expect a survival horror game such as this has a lot of survival horror-y mechanics to go with it of course. Your flashlight is battery powered- Which is fine! And the batteries last long enough and there's enough of them around that they won't run out which is great! Geez, no need to be so hasty Ren the battery mechanic is, dare I say it, perfect. That was just an example. Oh... No, what I was really going to say was... Well... You're a hardcore gamer like myself aren't you Ren? Ourselves you mean? Okay shut up wise guy. Anyway, don't you just HATE it when it's almost impossible to tell what you need to do in a game to progress? Doesn't that suck? You're making it sound like you're complaining the game is too difficult, that's not like you Sin. Oh no the difficulty is fine in fact I think the game is a challenge which is again a rarity. 

The fact that this early encounter is a character from the previous games is probably a little less impactful than it was on someone who was playing the first game and actually cared about her when she was... you know, smushed against a wall.

Seriously though my biggest problem with this game is that while I hate games making things too obvious, Blood Drive does so well at making important things look irrelevant or regular that you end up spending hours walking around the same few rooms looking for an arbitrary item you can get by burning mundane cabinet #046 in the corner of the starting room! This game doesn't hold hands in any way and I'm still not settled on whether that's a good or a bad thing. It's definitely a good thing, even though I can think of at least three occasions where we've wandered around the school looking for something only to find we had to, say, move a pile of desks away from a door. You know, desks we assumed were there to stop us going through the door for the whole chapter. I don't know I think this game just punishes our overthinking gamer minds. It pains me to say you're probably right about that. We spent an hour repeating one part because of conflicting game mechanics. Since evil spirits will chase you laps around the whole school on sight you can climb into lockers Alien: Isolation style to hide. Providing the spirits don't see you, you'll be fine but the problem is they run so fast while far away it's almost impossible to climb in one without being ripped out of it. So naturally when a scripted event happens where you're pursued by two extremely fast horrific people, our first thought wasn't to hop into the locker a little way in front of us and hope for the best. In fact it wasn't a thought at all until we decided nothing was working why the hell not! Like, it doesn't matter where you go they WILL follow you... you know except when you get in that one locker and then afterwards go to one specific room that for some reason they just won't follow you in! Like what even is that! Hello? Was the department for good game design out the day you made this or what!?

All in all I hate the fact that this game is so much worse than it could have been. The story is still dark, engrossing and full of twists, which is great for the core part of the game that you really want to experience. But with a lot of the actual gameplay elements letting it down it's difficult to get behind a game you can only really enjoy if you can somehow make yourself oblivious to its faults, and that's not easy...

So! that's all for this week folks! We hope you-
NNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Whoooaaaaa... I've never seen Sin run so fast... See I always knew she was just as scared as-
RRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT!

Wow. I've never seen him run so fast before... Serves him right... hehe.

Ren Score: 8/10

Sin Score: 5/10

With Friends Like These... - Emily Is Away

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. It's time for something a little different today! The game that ruins friendships. Literally.

Emily Is Away is a short but sweet free game you can pick up on steam. It's the story of you and a high school friend called Emily, told in the form of brief instant messaging chats from the early 2000's. Complete with faithful representation of the hideous old Windows XP dashboard, sounds and usability (for optimal immersion!).

You know, the fact one of Ren's favourite terrible jokes is in this game is enough to make me quit right now.
(Excessive laughter)

For a game that takes at most thirty minutes to complete it's surprisingly deep and really gets you thinking. Unfortunately it really loses its magic any times after you've beaten it. The gameplay consists solely of choosing an icon at the start of each chapter, and responding to Emily's messages by selecting a multiple choice option and spamming random keys on your keyboard until 'you' have typed out a message to reply with. Playing this game brought on a lot of nostalgia for me, chatting online like in this game was a lot of my time spent online five years ago, and I've known people just like Emily (I feel a lot of us have) in the past. Yeah. Ren never had any real friends. Hey! I had friends shut up!

You would think a game such as this would be boring, it's basically just like talking to one of those chatbot advertisements that pop up while you're on the internet. What? When have there ever been adverts like th- Wait... Didn't those show up from porn websites? A-Anyway! Regardless of that it's a very interesting story that can see you get pretty emotionally attached to Emily in a matter of minutes. Despite only being a part of a single chat for each of the five years the story plays out in, I still felt that I had known her for all that time in-between just from reminiscent messages. Ren was totally in love with her. And Sin had found her best gal-pal... Ow!

You just don't know when to give up do you?
But he sounds like a horrible boyfriend!

It's obvious the game is aimed at a male audience (Or a lesbian audience! Let's be fair here! Sin! Be quiet!). There's a clear romantic subtext between the player and Emily which you can choose to embrace or even shut down altogether. At one point when she asks what you're up to on the weekend, all three different responses lead to you typing 'with my friend Emma'. When she asks who Emma is you can say she's 'A friend', 'Just a girl' or 'A girl I like' depending on how you're feeling. Regardless of what you say, like Sin she doesn't seem happy about it. The very same could be said the other way too. Whenever Emily mentions her on-off boyfriend Brad, the options become something along the lines of 'Stereotypical nice guy', 'it's not like I'm into you or anything style sarcasm' and 'call him a twat'. The last ones are my favourite.

It's great that some of the options are just you being a dick.
Hey what have you got against High School?
......... Ugh.

It's cool that this game gives you so many options for pursuing the story. Do you go after Emily? Try and make it work with Emma instead? Or just be the the biggest bastard a girl could ever meet. Either way who freaking cares! It always goes the same way anyway, both your character and Emily only care about what they want! So Emily ends up with- WAIT! ... What? Spoilers Sin! Spoilers! Oh come on who cares about spoilers for a game they'll beat in half an hour anyway! Emily always ends up with Brad or Travis. You always manage to mess it up with Emma, no matter what you say. And the game always leads to a scenario with the same three options! Goodbye forever. Goodbye forever. and GOODBYE FOREVER!

When I saw those harsh and clearly sarcastic words, I couldn't help but be reminded of a certain someone.
W-What the hell are you looking at me for!?

Sin... Uh... She really cares about her friends... This game had a pretty big effect on her you know? For something so simple, it still draws out emotion, and questions some really deep facts of life. The ultimate message of the story is that things change, people change, situations change, and that's okay, because regardless of the choices you make, everything will work out for the best in the end. That is the beauty of this deep and unique game...

... Pfft. Wow. You got awfully sentimental there didn't you Sin?
S-S-Shut up! I-I'm a sensitive girl you know!
Ow! Ah... Dammit Sin come back! See? This is why I hate people like Emily. Look at all the trouble they cause! Until next time everybody! We love you all!

A Song For The World! - Omega Quintet

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. We apologies greatly for yet another delay in reviews. Ren was too lazy last week (We were busy!) so we decided we needed more time to play this game to bring you a real review. So! Without further ado, it's time to show off Omega Quintet!

At the basics of it, Omega Quintet is a JRPG with a lot of bright colour and charm. Well what do you expect? It's a Compile Heart RPG, that's about all it's got going for it. Now now Sin settle down a little, you've played this one, it's not 'just' a Compile Heart RPG this time. I get that it's got the same sort of... uh... feel to it, that other Compile Heart RPGs have- You mean it's basically an all girl cast fitting about every freaking Japanese stereotype you could possibly imagine, and it's littered with needless fanservice that is a disrespect to every good JRPG out there? That kind of Compile Heart feel!? Uh... Well... yes... but that's kind of what Compile Heart do, let's be fair their JRPG's aren't exactly Final Fantasy or Pokemon quality, the fit a niche and appeal to a... uh... different kind of audience... yeah that's right! A different kind of audience! So... Perverts like you then? I get it, no wonder you buy all their games... I am not a pervert!

Compile Heart RPG's... Pointless fanservice at its pointless finest

Ugh! Anyway my point is that this particular title is a lot more in depth than the everyday RPG they throw out three or four times a year. Seriously, it gets to me how they can make them all so quickly when playing them takes FOREVER. Let's forget about that for now, but that's probably why they're not as popular as more 'quality' JRPG's. The point is there seriously so much more to keep track of and learn in this game it's hard to get to grips with.

You get to change the party's formation as is pretty standard for JRPG's, but in this *turn based-combat* RPG each of the different weapons have a different effective range. Attacking an enemy in the back line with a hammer like an idiot for example will be much more likely to miss, and far less damaging than if you attacked with a Sniper weapon for example. While the differences from this aren't exactly game-breaking, and you can ignore this mechanic for the most part on easier difficulties, optimising your attacks is pretty key as the enemies get stronger... which would be fine if you could properly plan for each fight. Except that's harder than you would think, enemies spawn in random locations in the combat screen so there's no guarantee your AoE abilities will hit all of them every fight. And even more annoying is both you and your enemies will have moves that can knockback and it happens all the time! It's extremely difficult to keep your targets at an effective range so you'll often just end up plowing away at them until they die. There's a lot you have available to play with in combat, it's kind of refreshing to have so many mechanics for great players to really shine. Between knockbacks, delaying turns, the 'voltage' of the battle and bonuses granted when certain moves are used after another there's enough features to get to grips with here that the whole experience feels extremely rewarding for no apparent reason. That's a good thing though right? Totally.

Omega Quintet is one of the few JRPGs that can see you fighting up to ten monsters at once, and it's a pretty impressive spectacle.
Don't usually get to use more the four characters at once either.
Not like this at least. It's nice.

It's great that the combat feels so much more fun than most JRPG's, it doesn't really feel like it gets boring but that's where my praise ends. The story as usual from our friends Compile Heart is about as flat as Sin's chest (What was that!?), the world is being overrun by a dark force called Blare which is mutating people and animals into dark, killer creatures. Our only salvation are the Verse Maidens (Read: Freaking teen idols!), a collection of quirky and colourful teenage girls in true idol-esque attire that defeat Blare and the MAD (those are the monsters) with the power of...! Of.... Oh I can't do it... I love the game but just... It doesn't sound so bad when you're actually playing the game but explaining to the world that they win through the power of song and dance just feels humiliating... They sing, you can hold concerts for them and even produce and upload your own music videos with the girls... They really went all out with the idol theme on this one... It's not even a bad thing, it's implemened well and everything it's just... WHY!? Why IDOLS!? And the 3D dances just make me cringe so hard they look so awkward! Argh!

How does a team that spends so long fighting monsters even get to rehearse! And how can they always look so happy!?
Aww... You're just jealous...
I AM NOT!

The game continues to play the whole idol thing up by explaining that the Verse Maiden's power comes from the support of the fans, and the fights are broadcast with an announcer that you the player get to hear over your battles. Over. And over. And over again. It's like Omega Quintet taking a leaf out of Persona's book as the announcements feel very similar, mentioning a MAD's weakness to you or how injured one of your party are, except it's also doing it in the style of a narrator from an episode of 1950's Batman in that every other freaking comment is basically screaming "Will our heroes survive!? Find out... In five bloody seconds after the next combination of attack inputs!" She's uh... not a big fan of idols and divas...

If you pan the camera down enough on the field the girls will cover their skirts and tell you not to look. It's a unique and nice little tou- Ow!
You... Pervert!

With all that said though Omega Quintet still has its charms. The girls are all unique to extremes: The main heroine Otoha is a energetic young girl that always dreamed of being a Verse Maiden except she's also a nervous wreck that can't get anything right when she finally gets her chance. There's also Nene, a quiet and shy girl that says some really morbid things in secret and loves sniper rifles. She's exactly my type of girl. I always knew you swung that way Sin... I-I DO NOT! REN YOU IDIO-

So that's all we have this week everyo-
Hey! Don't cut me off like tha-
I refuse.
Wha- You can't jus-
I just did. Look forward to next weeks post everyone! We hope this one was worth the wait! Until then beautiful readers! We love you all!
Grrrr..... REN! You're going to pay for this!
Oh be quiet Sin... You're such a diva.
... What did you just say...?
...Ah... uhm.... N-Nothing!

TKO!! - Punch Out!! (Wii)

Hello not so beautiful people of the Internet! And beautiful ones, of course... heh... Okay I do not like doing it this way. Shut up you. I'm Sin, and that's Useless (My name is Ren!) and today it's time to check out a slightly older game we've picked up recently... and boy is it amazing! Punch Out for the Wii... I never expected it to be this good and addicting... Yeah well, you never were one for punching people in the face. I on the other hand have been perfectly in my element the past few days... Yeah you like to beat up macho buff guys and laugh while you're doing it. And you wonder why you've never had a boyfr- Ow!

M-Moving on! Punch Out!! on the Wii is a 2009 reboot of the old NES game Mike Tyson's Punch Out, a simple and unique boxing game starring Little Mac, who you may recognise from Super Smash Bros. 4. The game sees you dodging and throwing punches in a series of progressively more difficult fights against various quirky boxers that attack in different patters and with different speeds. it's as simple as it sounds but remains super fun to play and at the same time very challenging.

"You know what... This time... I win!"
Referee is apparently tired of not winning matches.
He doesn't exactly lose either you know.

The Wii remake adds a lot more depth to the original game and is arguably twice as fun if not even more so. Though the story is basically the same as the previous game (winning a dozen or so fights until Little Mac claims the world title from Mike Tys- I mean... Mr Sandman), so much charm is added to the characters through their animations, taunts and movements that it makes it hard not to like any of them in some way shape or form even if they often are just dicks to Mac. All the characters from the previous Punch Out make a return here with a number of other fun new ones to enjoy fighting. Backstories are fun and entertaining and the light-hearted style and atmosphere of the game really helps bring out it's entertainment value. There's a lot of quirks and arguably racist jokes regarding the characters, each of whom hail from a different part of the world. Take note that the French guy is the weakest of them all and Piston Hondo (Honda) from Japan basically acts like he's a freaking car! Japan don't only make cars guys! Come on!

Always trust the Irish to be cheaters
Sin you shouldn't say things like that! ... Even if it is true...

The game at it's core remains deceptively simple. You can dodge to both sides and duck, punch high and low with either hand, block by holding up, and you can earn stars for special moves by punching your opponent at certain times such as countering their punches or while they taunt you. Each opponent has a variety of moves they will throw at you which are pretty random for the most part. I would go so far as to say it's one of the best games for improving your gaming ability all around as your opponents often launch attacks with very little warning, so dodging in the right direction is extremely difficult without good reactions. Just don't be a dummy and forget you also have to think about which way to dodge because many attacks hit in multiple directions.

The game itself though, as an underlying rule, is primarily about learning. With a learning curve that creeps up at first before evolving into a near enough vertical line, you'll find that after six or so fights it's almost impossible to win a fight first time as enemy punches hit harder, faster and wider. At that point it becomes a case of looking for indicators of which attack is coming, learning the safest way to dodge, and how to counterattack while you lose. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. Right! Right! Right! What really makes the game great is the little extra depth held within. Nothing is ever explained outright to you so it's equally as fun to discover as well as learn. Times when you can get stars, times when you can counter. there's a lot more than you would think, with timings often needing to be so perfect you would hardly believe there are actually so many. You can even KO most opponents in a small number of punches with the right timing and setup, but although it's extremely difficult it's a brilliant surprise when you do, and I wouldn't be surprised if there are many more things to discover hidden within this fun little game that's perfect for killing time providing you don't get too irritated... Right Sin?

Yes that's right! Donkey Kong actually is the secret final boss of this game!
This one is for Princesses everywhere!
You aren't a princess Sin, why are you so passionate...
Sh-Shut up!

Argh! Some of the fights are infuriating I assure you! They basically all but cheat with health regen and barely telegraphed attacks to dodge! I hate it! But that feeling of finally beating the guy that's been wailing on you for the past hour... There's nothing greater...
(Well... At least until the next guy completely slaughters you in under a minute...)

With over 25 difficult and unique fights Punch Out!! on the Wii is a charming title that packs a lot more... hehe... PUNCH! than you might expect. (Sigh... ) It's easy to get into and play so makes a perfect title to pick up and play in a short title while you wait for something. It's a fast paced and fun game of reactions that is definitely worth picking up if you're looking for a challenge and some entertainment. Oh! and it's compatible with the Wii Balance Board and motion controls for you fitness buffs out there too! Just don't come running to us if you break something in frustration okay? Trust me...

Poor Glass Joe... Had the shit beaten out of him all his life and still finds a way to be so happy
He's a lot like you Ren... Weak, pathetic, and a loser...

That's all for this week people! I hope you're really in the mood to enjoy punching guys as much as I do! ...Sin...? Ow! Shut up! Until next time friends! Happy punching!

Sin...? We're not doing the thing...?
What? Ew god no I hate saying that.
But Sin...
I told you to shut up! Now come on Ren let's spar!
W-What? Oh no please...

Ren & Sin's Post Con Preview Collection - Volume 1

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. Our sincerest apologies for not writing a post for you last week. (Deal with it.) We've been out at MCM Comicon in London last weekend and it's time for us to share with you some little snippets of the newly released (and of course unreleased) games we got to play out there! So without further ado- Oh just get on with it already!

Persona 4 - Dancing All Night! I'd go ahead and say this is something we've definitely been waiting a long time for. It's been a long time since it's announcement and it's finally almost here, what did you think of the few games we played Sin? Well, I mean it was extremely difficult to play there. Now Sin, the noise of the venue isn't a proper criticism of the game... (I-I know that! I'm not some kind of amateur here!). Regardless of Sin's mindless complaints (What!? Hey hold on I-) the selection of songs is very nice, familiar tunes from all kinds of persona titles. This includes great but more obscure tunes from the franchise such as the theme of Etrian Odyssey spinoff PersonaQ, but these are a welcome inclusion seeing as persona as a whole has a beautiful soundtrack, and sticking with the Persona 4 theme would only serve to limit the game immensely. HEY I wasn't finished talking you know! You all done hogging the limelight at last you pig? W-Well now that was uncalled for... Whatever... anyway from what I can gather the actual selection of songs is only around 30-strong... I'm pretty disappointed... there are many more Persona songs that could have made it in... But Sin 30 is a pretty big roster for a music game... and there's at least three difficulty levels for each. Oh yes of course, but when it feels like 10 of the individual songs are remixes of songs you know so well that they sound COMPLETELY WRONG it's hard to be satisfied by it... Oh...

Oohhh.... Of course... bikini's WOULD be a wearable outfit in this game wouldn't they!?
Well it's a Japanese game I mean it's pretty common for that t- ow!
PERVERT!
What did I do!?

The gameplay though! The controls are great, simple, responsive. You hit all the notes with up, left, right, triangle, circle and X; and the notes consist of single presses, double presses and holds, standard rhythm-game stuff. I just wish playing the game was that standard, I think the layout of the screen is super poorly executed for this. The notes come into the screen from the centre to the outer edges where you hit them, but the Vita's screen is so wide that watching two notes close together on one side of the screen often means you miss a rogue note drifting off the other side and break your combo. The game becomes very difficult off design alone.. but... what I hate more... it suffers from... Parappa The Rapper Syndrome... (Gasp) No... anything but that! But it's true! Ugh it makes me so mad when music games do this! Your performance is measured by some icons at the top of the screen which change colour based on your performance. They range from red to yellow to white, (all of which count as a fail...) to green, and then rainbow, those are passes. Keep hitting notes in a row and you'll go up levels to pass the song.. But what ticks me off is because of this horrible system, even if you get every note perfect up until the very end you'll fail the song if you miss a couple of notes right at the end, especially on hard difficulty, you can kiss that pass goodbye. Oh and of course climbing takes ages so in terms of progress imagine that for every note you miss you have to hit another 30 without fail to get back to where you were and you probaly get the picture and ugh this game could have been so good but I- OKAY MOVING ON!

What's this? Rodea The Sky Soldier? This one was really fun actually... You're kidding? It took you half an hour to get used to those ridiculous controls. Hey that's only because I didn't have a tutorial to teach me and with out that they're very... uh... Unorthodox? Yeah! That! Exactly that! You ascend into the air and use a targeter to lock on and dash towards objects and terrain fast or slow to reach the end of missions. The targeter is fiddly and for once I wish they used motion controls instead of an analogue sick, the reticule slows down towards the edge of the screen as it pans around and gives the reticule itself a laggy and awkward feeling. Oh but it is a beautiful game, and flying through the sky like that feels strangely empowering, even if it's just on screen... Yeah... it seemed simple... but complex, and has a lot of charm to it. I'm still unsure on the quality of the story... It looks... mediocre... but as a game... there's definitely potential... For sure.

It's a game that feels very empty in places...
(Like your heart?)
What did you say!?

D-Disgaea 5... W-Well... It's still Disgaea... So... You know, if you like Disgaea, there's probably a lot of new features in this... and you'll love it, yeah! We never cared for Disgaea. Oh lord no.

Tales of Zestiria though! oh well I mean it's still a Tales game, has that great Tales feel to it. Environments are completely beautiful, characters are unique (well the main character is just as much an over-trusting freaking goody-two shoes as ever... Just like Ren... AGAIN.) You say something Sin? Hm? Oh, no nothing! Ooookay... Well I mean what's amazing about this particular one is how cutscenes and battles transition properly from the gameplay itself, giving the game a very coherent and more realistic feel. There's no shatter-screening or anything to transition into battles so the whole thing feels like part of the adventure. It's only a minor change, sure, but as long running Tales fans something about this little change just makes the experience so much more... Magical... Yeah...

Oh but let's remember this is a Tales game... So it has some strange and difficult to understand upgrade system in the menus right? Yup! I think this one has something to do with elements and like... putting power patches onto equipment or something... but as usual I don't really have any idea. Clueless as always... Hey!

Ladies and gentleman! the cause of the Dodo's extinction!
... Angsty teenagers...?

Well that's it for this week everyone! We hope these little insights of games from the event were worth the wait. We'll be back to our normal schedule starting next week so look forward to it! but until then... Goodbye! And we love you all!

We'll Make A Mario Out Of You! - Super Mario Mker

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. Today it's time to embrace all your creative genes because the time we've all been waiting for is finally here! No it's not. Danganronpa V3 isn't out yet. Oh come on Sin you love Mario, why are you never happy with anything? How about because I absolutely hate the fact that Nintendo have released this game? Is that enough for you? B-but Sin... Why...?

Don't get me wrong here I really do adore the Mario franchise, there's a reason such a simple game has stood the test of time so well, but to me, Mario Maker is a game I never wanted to come.... Never... Sin... But you've always talked about wanting to make your own levels... The things you would do... And you've had so much fun making levels with this game... I never thought I'd hear you say anything bad about it. Well yeah that's true, it really is a great game but... don't you think the statement Nintendo is making by releasing this is just saying 'Mario is in your hands now fans'? I mean, with everyone making their own levels now, nothing will ever be new and unique right? With the release of this game, how can Nintendo ever release a new Mario game? it'll always be compared to Mario Maker levels! It'll always be too boring for the really good players, or too hard for then casual players if they go the other way! With this game Nintendo have basically killed their franchise! At least that's the way I see it...

It's great if you wall off or put springs in front of the entrance the the castle, Mario gives up after a while and just crouches all sad looking!
... You are a horrible person. No wonder you don't have a boyfriend.
I-I'm waiting for the perfect guy, okay!?

Uhh... Well... I guess that really is one way to look at it, but don't forget Mario Maker can only do so much. Nintendo are the ones with the real power to create here, they can add new mechanics, new enemies, new powerups... All kinds of things you know? And with games like Mario Galaxy and other 3D titles still very much an option, this isn't then end of Mario forever... okay? Hmph... Just shut up!

Let's just talk about the freaking game! That's what we're here for right!? Okay okay! Gosh... Well, the game itself is exactly what it sounds like, a game to create, play and share the Mario levels you've always dreamed of making, and as far as a game creation tool goes it's as in depth as you could hope for. Yeah basically everything's there, you can choose what kind of level you want to make, from the standard outside levels to caves and swimming and of course Bowser's castles. My only qualm with the tools available to you is that you have to unlock a large majority of the tools you can use... and not even through playing the creator... It's days! DAYS! Finally you can use everything on DAY NINE. NINE! Though I guess this isn't much of a problem it does have the immediate hassle of limiting your creativity from the get go. But that's probably just so you can get used to the creator tools right Sin? Well maybe that's true, but I still feel that not being able to use hidden blocks or even spawn any powerups other than standard mushrooms is just too restrictive. Couldn't seem to control the movement of enemies either Ren, when I look back on my first levels made they were all so boring because I had barely any tools to work with... ugghhh....

They really included everything they could think of huh?
More options than Sin's panty drawer...
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?

But looking at the creator when everything's available? And you really don't have to use it long to finally have everything available at least... and when you do? Well you couldn't really ask for more! Every feature and enemy you can think of is in there waiting for you to use and create truly great levels. Nintendo have done a great job of leaving in all the mechanics from the Mario games we've been playing over the years. New Super Mario style levels have wall jumps and those helicopter hat mushrooms, the Mario Bros World levels let you spawn in feathers for Cape Mario and those blocks that spin and let you pass through them for a while when you hit them. Your chosen style of level gives you a slight restriction on what you can create, but that's understandable, I mean a lot of the code in Mario Maker is probably just ported over from the old games. And props to Nintendo for not butchering the games by making things you couldn't do previously possible. I would so break this game if you could make those giant super mushrooms from NSMB Wii appear in the older games...

Oh and let's just say, if you think you're going to create the hardest most impossible level out there someday, just remember if you want to upload a level online... you have to beat it, one life, no checkpoints, all skill. Thank god for that. I know right? Nothing stopping you from hiding a door to the end somewhere though right? I hope you realise 1,000 unbeatable levels were just released into the wild because of you. Ow!

For some strange reason, sometimes special mushrooms will spawn instead of normal ones turning Mario into this... uh... thing.
(He's so lanky... it's almost as horrible to look at as you Ren...)

Other than the creator, there's not much to the game itself, it doesn't really come with any levels in built for you to play as if it were a proper Mario game, but if you're not cut out for creating levels, or just want to play, you still NEED this game. That's right, Super Mario Maker itself brings us the 100 Mario challenge! 100 lives to complete 16 Easy, medium or Hard user made levels. it's definitely the main thing that keeps me playing this game, you'll almost never see the same level twice and it's really amazing seeing what wonderful creations people can make with its tools. Some of the levels are just so insane and make use of mechanics I didn't even know existed (like the fact that spinning on certain enemies won't actually kill you even if falling on them normally would). The hard challenge really pushes the limits of each Mario version's mechanics and no run will ever be the same due to the sheer number of levels, making it a great game for players of all skill levels and maintaining a TON of replay value. Of course some levels classified as hard are exactly that because they're nothing but unbeatable enemy spam or an impossible level with a hidden door that some kid thinking he's a genius made. But there's a skip button for anything like that. Thank god.

I don't know what the hell is going on here but this is NOT why the phrase 'Power To the People' is a thing!

All in all Mario Maker is every Nintendo fan(boy)'s dream, giving you everything you could possibly want to scream at the world 'COME AT ME' and pose a real challenge. true Mario pros can have all their 'filthy casual' concerns about normal Mario games wavered by taking on the 100 Mario challenge, and with no two levels ever being the same this is truly the greatest Mario package in the world. An absolute must for everyone who enjoys our favourite plumber.

Well that's all for this week folks! We're done? Okay I'm going to make more levels! No wait Sin but we haven't- Shut up Ren! We love you all! Ah! Wait! Sin! Come back!

Easy Rippin'! - Hyperdimension Neptunia U: Action Unleashed

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! ... Sigh... Hm? Sin what's wrong? Not like you to be so down you're usually really angry all the time. I AM ANGRY. Huh? B-but why what's happened? Uhm... hello? Earth to stupid have you forgotten the game we're 'reviewing' today!? The game YOU wanted to review today!? But it's the only game we've been- SHUT UP. Just do you're freaking review.

No 4th wall is safe

Ahaha... ha... uhm... So! This week Sin and I are proud (so not proud) to present to you Hyperdimension Neptunia U for the PSVita. Though the Hyperdimension Neptunia games have always really been lovingly crafted JRPG's with epic long stories, this installment shakes things up a lot. OHHHHH yes it does and oh boy am I pissed about it! Though you could forgive the developers for dropping the JRPG epic genre and turning it into a Dynasty Warriors style slash-a-thon, the main problem I have with this game is that its big selling point is FANSERVICE. The Neptune games have always had a little bit of subtext and dirty jokes in them for sure but never has the girls clothes getting torn and ripped off their bodies been a selling point. So the girls' clothes rip and tear, I admit it's not the most tasteful game mechanic but let's at least remember it does serve a purpose in game, lowering the girls' defenses but increasing their critical hit rate instead. Despite it's seemingly unnecessary implication, at least the mechanic surrounding it makes sense and is well implemented. That may be true, but as the game goes on it reaches the point where the girls' clothes just rip off immediately upon taking your first damage, and you can unlock clothes that make it even EASIER for the clothes to tear if you're some disgusting freak like Ren and like seeing those embarrassing close up shots. Hey we gave them all the unbreakable clothes we unlocked remember Sin? Yeah, reluctantly... you just wanted to see Rom and Ram lose their clothes as much as possible! Hey! They look like they're 10 years old! Them losing their clothes is a very touchy subject so thankfully they have very modest rips compared to all the others, you remember... green heart's one right Sin...? ...Ow! Hey! Pervert.

See look how modest Ram's costume break is!
YOU ARE SUCH A FREAKING PERVERT

Gameplay-wise hey the game does transition as a slash-a-thon very nicely, all the girls attacks are fast paced, look impressive and feel really fluid, linking together super easily to make epic combos and cut the hoards of enemies to dust! Well everyone except Blanc at least, her weapon is a big heavy hammer so her attacks just feel a lot slower and less rewarding for the player, it's a shame because all the other characters work very nicely. There's a very small variety of special moves available (that's three for each girl) and all of the attacks are made with just the square and triangle buttons so combat becomes very samey a few hours into it. The ten different characters generally all feel different to play but it's still arguably too repetitive. Yeah but smashing all those monsters to bits at once feels awesome. Oh definitely.

"Choppy time!"
Neptune doesn't actually say that in this game you know?
S-Shut up!

As for the story well you can probably guess the game doesn't do too much as it's focusing on the 'Action Unleashed' part. The story is simple enough, two game industry journalists from Gamindustri (they really weren't trying to be subtle, the whole Neptunia universe is a game industry parody and they love to bring that to your attention in all their games) want to do interviews with the CPU's and CPU Candidates (that's the main characters and their little sisters), to increase their popularity and spread the word of them to the people of Gamindustri. They do these interviews by making you take on quests. I don't really get it but apparently mindlessly bashing the brains out of endless hoards of the same enemis apparently makes for exciting articles, maybe we should try that sometime... You calling our articles trash!? I thought you didn't like them that much Sin, you only do this because you have to? N-No I never said that...

Each character only has one really good special move so you'll often find you'll touch the other ones about as much as someone would touch Ren.
Hey!

Well there's not much to Hyperdimension Neptunia U Action Unleashed so it's only a short review to have this week. All that's left to say is for fans of the series and it's quirky characters you'll probably adore this shorter installment of simple fun chaos. if you're looking for a great story you'll probably be disappointed but it's a fun little game you can enjoy in short installments for maximum fun! Until next time! We love you all!

Hey Sin... You're not going to say it? ...Ow!
Pervert.

A Story Unfolds! - Tearaway: Unfolded

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. Today Sin and I are going to present to you a spectacular game that fills us both with unparalleled nostalgia. It's a 3D adventure platformer full of collectibles and hidden secrets, a game that truly feels like a classic from the mid 2000's, even though it's much more recent.

Tearaway was a game released for the PSVita in 2013. It was made to show off all the different features of the PSVita from its rarely used rear touch pad to the frontal camera. It offered a lot of unique features for a game, even adding your own face into the sun as you play, and letting you take photos in the real world which will appear on objects and walls throughout the game. It was a wonderful game that was a breath of fresh air for a console that had so far been largely underwhelming. A world made entirely from papercrafts... I'd never seen anything like it.... the way it all came to life was so magical I just... ahhhhh (swoon)

I love the parts when you can ride on Ren's back.
Hey. You calling me a pig!?

Uhhh... So Tearaway Unfolded is bringing that kind of innovation to PS4 at last. When a large hole opens in the sun of the papercraft world leading to your world, the home of the You. It's up to You to guide a little messenger to deliver a message and ultimately seal the hole, whilst fighting off scraps, pesky enemies from your world. As big fans of the previous game Ren and I were super excited to experience a sequel. When we got about three worlds in we were needless to say more than a little bit disappointed... it had been so long so we didn't realize before but the new game is almost exactly the same as the previous one. It all started getting so familiar we just couldn't help notice it.

You really wouldn't think a world made entirely of paper could look this beautiful...
You're saying a world of paper looks just like me?
No. No I'm not...

Although it's true the majority of Tearaway Unfolded's beautiful papercraft locations are just the exact same as it's predecessor. Let's not forget this version does contain a few new locations and collectables, so there is a some extra content for first game veterans,with the new worlds specifically designed to compliment the brand new features. I'm still disappointed it wasn't a full new game! I feel cheated... But Sin hey Tearaway Unfolded is on the PS4, so it brings a number of brilliantly implemented brand new mechanics to the table. While opening presents with the PS4 controller's touch pad doesn't feel quite as good as using the Vita's touch screen to actually pull it open, it still feels good to use and works as a system, the same goes for tapping it to use the bounce pads. It also introduces the 'guiding light' a light you can shine on the screen with the controller, pointing and moving it using the motion controls. You use it at certain times to guide the enemies to their doom, but it's a largely unnecessary feature. I quite like it though, it's one of those things Tearaway does that immerses you in it's game world, let's you feel like you're truly in control. The motion controls are (limited and very small scale) fluid and make you feel like a direct influence on the world as an outside force. Heck you can even have your messenger throw stuff out of the screen into your controller and you can throw them back. it feels really good to be involved like that and it's something that games just don't do these days.

Shine the Guiding Light on papers taken over by newsprint to restore their colourful glory.
This is such a slow and dull mechanic I wanna shine a guiding light on the guy that came up with this and throw him off a cliff!

That's all well and good hey sure, but let's not forget some of the more poorly implemented features. The main one being the drawing parts. Tearaway on the Vita used the touchscreen to allow you to draw parts and accessories to attach to characters, it was fiddly at times but oh god it is IMPOSSIBLE to draw anything remotely good looking on the PS4 controller's touch screen, it's small and obviously doesn't leave a mark for you to use as a reference, so you're left to basically guess how your drawing will look: you'll struggle to join the corners of shapes, they'll look horribly deformed and just... just so... ugh... We also don't have a Playstation camera to test it with, but I can probably easily say it wouldn't be as well implemented as the Vita's camera too. At least I don't have to see Ren's ugly face in the game because of that, so if you don't want your not so beautiful face to be in the game this time you're probably in luck too! That's really mean Sin... Shut up this is my segment!

In this installment you can use the touch pad to create winds that will blow the paper and create new paths.
All the paper still defies the laws of physics though. I mean come on just look at that picture! Argh!

Overall this is a great game to pick up that really makes use of all the PS4 controller's features despite the fact the controller probably didn't need them to begin with. It'll be a bit of a disappointment for anyone who played on the Vita, but adds just enough that it's worth coming back to... Just... If you don't have a Vita though and you never got to play this before it's definitely an experience you need to have as a game that lets you get the most out of your PS4 and all it's silly gimmicks is going to be really rare for sure. And of course it really is just a beautiful game, worth playing just for the environments and adorable stylisation. Arguably it could be a bit too childish for you... But even this children's kind of story makes a good fun adventure for adults.

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT I CHANGE MY MIND I AM NOT DELIVERING THAT MESSAGE STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT YOU CREEP!

It was a pretty short review we had for you this week. Tearaway is a game that is pure and simple at heart so there wasn't a lot we could do rather than explain all it's unique features. Everything is innovative in some way and i just have to praise the Little Big Planet creators for coming up with this wonderful papercraft gem. Until next time everybody! We l- Sin... What are you doing?

I'm making a papercraft model of me, what does it look like?
But that's the blue card... Why are you using the b-
SH-SHUT UP REN!