Dancing All... Morning? - Persona 4: Dancing All Night

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. Put on your dancing shoes because it's time to- Wait a second Ren! What the hell is this!? Huh? Uhm... It's our blog Sin... you know, the one where we review games on a Friday... No no no no no Ren not that! I mean why the hell are we doing P4D AGAIN!? We already covered it once! Yes Sin, but just one thing... What are the two games we've been playing this week called again? ...P4D and Tales of Zestiria... Games we briefly covered in that previews post... Yayyy that's right, good girl you can have a treat later. Wait WHAT!? Okay so it's finally time to take a more in depth look at the PSVita rhythm game Persona 4: Dancing All Night! (Ren you are SUCH an asshole.)

P4D is yet another spinoff title from the increasingly popular Persona franchise by Atlus. Set after the events of Persona 4 it sees the Investigation team get dragged into a new case where a 'cursed' video that plays on a certain website at midnight is taking people to the 'other side'. It's a very Persona-esque plot, filled with themes of bonds and relationships. While the plot at it's heart is a good concept, it has a disproportionately long build up into a series of 4 sections taking place in the 'other side' (The Midnight Stage) which all feel extremely repetitive as they take the same structure with all of the kidnapped victims. There's a story that runs alongside the Midnight Stage segments that is a breath of fresh air to the story, showing the perspective of the outside investigation. That's all well and good but at the end of the day, there's always a kind of deja-vu about the story, as similar things are said and obvious points are raised throughout a very simple and linear storyline.

Featuring brand new and totally not extremely steriotypical and predictable new characters!

P4D is a very short game, reading all the dialogue and completing the songs first time will take no more than ten hours, and with a total song list of 29 songs (excluding paid DLC), a number of which are just remixes of the same song, leaving a track list that is disappointingly small compared to most rhythm titles, and is only barely if at all made up for by the quality of the music. Rest assured though, the music is quality, and the notes fit perfectly with the tunes as you would expect from a good rhythm game.

The storyline may not be anything special, but the fact there is a story is more of a bonus than anything, as it's not a common feature of the rhythm genre. We should be focusing on the actual rhythm game parts, which is a lot better than we initially thought through our breif encounter with the game way back when. Though the areas to hit the notes are still ways apart on the screen, they rotate round in a logical order so you can always look to see where the next note is coming from, it makes the game a lot easier to follow than before. If you're a real sadist like Sin (Hey.) though, you can get various challenge items that will increase your score, such as one that makes notes appear from random directions, and one that slows them down so much it's literally painful painful to play. The challenge items aren't anything new for a rhythm game but they still turn out pretty unique which is a plus.

The level of cute added by Nanako's dances is a really neat addition to the game
Oh what, so you're a pedophile as well as a pervert?
Uhm... I'm neither???

Something we didn't realize last time is that aside from the regular press button notes that fly out from the center of the screen, there are also ring notes (or 'scratches') which you hit by moving one of the analogue sticks as it hits the outer ring. The rings are deceptively hard to hit, while they may be very lenient on timings, moving from the buttons to the stick in a short enough space of time to keep a combo going is surprisingly tough when notes are closer together. But hey, you know even the game's developers thought they were too tough, since missing the ring notes won't break your combo, or deduct from the horrendous way the game determines whether you've beaten a song.

In case you missed our last coverage of this title, the game uses a scale representing the moods of the 'audience' you're performing to. Ranging from red, to yellow to white to green to rainbow, anything below the latter two levels will be a failed song. While generally something like that isn't an issue the way you have to climb back up levels is very unforgiving (at least on later difficulties) and for every note missed you'll find yourself needing to hit 25 or even 50 to get back up there. Don't get us wrong, these songs have a deceptively high number of notes, but when you miss a string of notes right at the end of a flawless song to not only lose that full combo, but fail the song too, it feels more than a little harsh.

When you clear a song, the dancer's persona comes out and plays an instrument into a really awesome finale
I get shivers every time
I'm pretty sure that's just you trembling with joy from actually clearing a song for once.
... C-Climbing that scale is hard Sin...

Speaking from experience there Ren?
... Yeah... God damned hard songs freaking (unintelligible gibberish)
Ahaha... Anyway. This game is all about being yourself, and not what people want you to be. It's kinda ironic really. This is basically just a simple rhythm game with the Persona logo strapped on for a bit of extra luck. It is simple in both story and gameplay and is exactly what it is: just a rhythm game.
Ultimately there's a bit of a disappointment here. Sure, the game is still good... But it's really not everything we wanted it to be.

Say Sin, why don't you try being the you everyone wants you to be? It would be cool to see you being nice for a change.
Wha- speak for yourself you jerk!
Oh relax, you're the bitchy one, that's what everyone wants anyway...
Reeeeennnnnnnnnnnnn!!!
Ahahah... ha.... Uhm... Until next time friends! We love you a- AAAAAHHHH!

Ren Score: 7/10
Sin Score: 4/10

Trucking Majestic - American Truck Simulator

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. Buckle up folks because it's time to hit the road! Ren! Don't throw our readers out already, we just started! Wh- Oh forget it... (heh...) Anyway! Let's head onto PC to check out the latest 'Simulator' game from SCS Software, American Truck Simulator!

Simulator games like this aren't for everyone. For the most part the only reason they exist is so people can experience what it's like to do a boring old job that they don't or can't do for whatever reason. There are two types of people in the world, people like Sin, who think they're pointless and wonder how playing them can be fun for anyone. And there's people like Ren, who for some strange reason enjoys experiencing boring everyday life through the medium we use to escape such things. American Truck Simulator is the newest release and a further improvement on the popular Euro Truck Simulator 2 game. If you could call any transition from Europe to America an 'improvement.' Hey. Down girl. All Sin's bias aside, let's take an in depth look at what's special about the American Dream sim.

Can't stop to play the tables in Vegas. Some great simulator this turned out to be.
Winners don't gamble Sin.
They don't exactly truck either Ren.

The quote-unquote, plot- Sin! Jeez... the plot of the game sees you starting your own trucking company in your chosen city in either California or Nevada (The only states currently in the game, yeah, should be called two-state truck simulator it'd be less misleading), do some odd jobs to earn money until you can eventually buy your own truck with hundreds of customization options. Jobs start with shorter routes until you gain experience to take on longer ones. Completing routes gives you EXP for level ups and you can use these to earn qualifications to enhance the jobs you can do and the money you earn, for example the ability to carry explosives or being entrusted with fragile cargo, jobs such as this are of course worth more money for completion. That's basically all there is to it, the goal is just to complete deliveries and get money for your business.

Feel the excitement boys and girls! This is a lot of what you'll see in this game. Miles and miles of nothing!
Empty... just like your heart.

The game has a lot of options for control methods. Using a keyboard and mouse is... generally fine, but if you want the real immersion you should be getting from Truck Sim you need to get a wheel and pedal to connect up. Those cost a lot of money though, so if feeling like a real mother trucker isn't important to you, work with keyboard controls like we did. The game controls very nicely with the keyboard... Sometimes too nicely even. I'm not sure if it's the same for all control styles but for god-knows-how-heavy trucks these things can turn unnaturally tightly. For a game that is supposed to be 'realistic' shall we say, there's a lot of things very unnatural about it.

Let's start with the first thing, which is specifically only for the keyboard control method (it's not something to rat on the game for, it's to be expected, but still remains annoying), it's impossible to keep a steady speed, which can cause troubles in a game were you get fined for speeding. You only have to contend with W to accelerate, and S to brake. This leaves you in either a state of constant acceleration, which will bring you over the speed limit pretty darn quickly, or slow deceleration, which just means yeah you're still going, but hey now you're gradually going slower. Now hey, I don't know if SCS Software know something about Cali and Nevada that we don't, but if you wait long enough at a junction because there's all this traffic coming you can start to pull out and everyone will stop to let you out... or you could keep waiting, and after a little while... All the traffic just suddenly stops! Even on the busiest roads. I get that this is like some kind of anti-frustration feature but you could have made it less obvious!

I assure you, at no point did I forget that Americans drive on the wrong side of the road.
Silly Ren! Everyone knows Americans drive on the 'RIGHT' side of the road, come on.

Yep roads follow some strange rules in this game. It feels as though you're traveling large distances in the US really quickly because of the way the map is scaled down in order to fit inside the game. Basically to my disappointment a lot of actual American roads are scaled down immensely, much more so than in Euro Truck Simulator might I add. The map scaling is much worse here, and it means there's a lot less of those long scenic drives that players of Euro Truck knew and loved.There are other problems kind of related to the scaling that arise too, most notably of which is the fact that speed limit signs are impossible to see if present at all, this often creates sudden changes of speed limit that sometimes results in an instant fine as soon as you cross the threshold because there happened to be a cop car that could just about see your left mirror moving too much from a mile away. Yeah some fines happen when the cops catch you doing something wrong, like driving in the dark without lights on. Notice how he said some. A lot of the others just sort of happen.

There's a strange kind of allure to this game in that it's strangely relaxing to ride the wide open roads with pretty much nothing either side of you. The American scenery isn't the prettiest thing to look at by far, but even I'll admit it's relaxing to drive along leisurely without having to worry about 'real' consequences for screwing up. Not to mention, the ability to add your own songs to play or listen to actual radio stations as you drive is a superb touch.

Shit.

Believe it or not there's also a multiplayer mode. Things are a bit different there, it's a lot faster as speed limits are much less strict, oh and all the non human traffic is gone too, did I mention that? I can see why they did it but hell now the maps are just even more empty! Players on Multiplayer aren't the nicest of people either. Some will honk as you pass to say 'hi!' and that's cool... But others will just try and ram you into walls like dicks. But other than the traffic being gone, multiplayer is basically the same as single player.

So what we have here is a very relaxing game that takes the stress out of driving and then some. There's not much to do other than driving and decorating your trucks, so if you're looking for a game full of action and excitement you've probably already guessed a Simulator game probably isn't the one for you. While this one may not be as polished world-wise as its predecessor, it's still a very strong Simulator game and is worth picking up for anyone wanting 'to start their new dream job:' being a mother trucker.'

You know, your driving is beyond horrible.
W-Well why do you think I like this game! Can you imagine me taking the helm of a REAL screaming metal deathtrap?
Oh god no. I don't want to die...
Heh... I think I've made my point. Until next time folks!
We love you all!

Ren Score: 8/10
Sin Score: 4/10

The Best Life Sentence - Freedom Wars

(To an outsider, this is a chaotic and difficult to understand box art, to a fan, it is a near perfect summary of 75% of the game)

Hello Sinners of the Internet! And not so- Wait a second... Get ready everybody, because you're going down! It's time to look at a brilliant Action-RPG from 2014 for the PSVita. Aimless chit-chat is a waste of resources! let's get on with it!

Set in a distant dystopian future Freedom Wars is a unique game that sees your fully customization character slammed with a 1,000,000 year sentence for the heinous crime of developing amnesia during a combat mission. In a world where everyone lives in giant complexes (Panopticons) built in the world's major cities, fighting over the few remaining resources as best they can, something like amnesia is a major drain on resources. By completing missions assigned to you by the higher ups, you gain pardons and shave years off your sentence. The game could easily have taken this theme and held it through the whole time, but there's a very solid underlying story surrounding conspiracies and cover-ups that develops later on. After snooping into restricted areas you find a girl that's been captured, and find the resolve to find out the mystery of why she's there. And it gets chaotic as hell.

A surprising amount of customization options, featuring Sin's foundation makeup palette.
Whoa. Gross. I wouldn't even wear clothes in those colours.
But... You only wear red clothes anyway...?

The game's plot is strongly sound, and the whole environment of the Panopticon and the places where fights take place all feel very right and immersive. Dilapidated cities and deserts burying large structures. The atmosphere of a world ripped to the bare bones for all its resources is all right there, and it's great. Atmosphere aside the 'feel' of the game has problems too. See, as you'd expect from a game working with this kind of theme, there's a large number of different missions to clear in order to reduce your sentence. Except pretty much all the missions are basically the same. And oh god do they feel like a grind. In order to fight for resources the Panopticons send in Sinners like you, along with the 'Accessories' that watch over them, to fight against enemy Abductors. Abductors are basically huge towering robots that can take a number of different forms from bipeds to spider-esque tanks, designed to capture and kidnap citizens from rival Panopticons. You'll be fighting them in almost every mission, right from the start of the game. The main problem with this though is that they're basically all raidbosses, albeit with attacks that probably won't oneshot you all the time. After 15 minutes of hacking away at the abductor to finally kill it and move onto the next mission, there's a pretty epic feel of achievement seeing that thing come crashing down at least. Well, until you realize that the next mission is almost exactly the same. Hope you like grinding because that's basically 80% of the game right there.

So the missions all kinda feel the same... At least they always still feel pretty damn epic.

There are other kinds of missions that act as a breath of fresh air at least. Breaking into the restricted areas for example usually take the form of stealth missions. Standard stuff, navigating paths around patrolling guards. Other missions, such as ones where you have to take out enemy Sinners are also much more enjoyable if you want to feel like you're actually doing damage for once. It offers the feel of a more multiplayer online game... Which is great if you like that kind of stuff, Freedom Wars actually lends itself to multiplayer very well. 

Combat controls are logical and responsive, if not somewhat basic. With melee weapons you can do light and heavy attacks, and there's a wide variety guns to fire depending on your situation. We personally preferred light melee weapons, as they are the only weapons that let you directly sever Abductor components which can then be collected to help upgrade your gear. But upgrades often require hard to acquire parts, so it can be a bit of a grind to get a powerful weapon you really want, and believe me, you'll need it. Additionally, going into battle you have a special kind of weapon called a Thorn. It's basically a grappling hook, and it really brings out the best in the game's combat system, allowing you to cling to and maneuver from walls, as well as latch onto enemy Abductors in order to get close for attacks, or drag them to the ground and temporarily immobilize them. Though it adds an astounding level of extra depth to the combat, it has limited use and can be a bit finicky to use, with the collision being so accurate you'll struggle to land it on particularly thin limbs so you can sever them off. Oh and did I mention that all severing is done by spamming the O button? If you'e like us your thumbs are gonna hurt, because those limbs don't come off easy, that's for sure.

The whole 'We're always watching' trope is starting to get pretty old.
It's kind of necessary though... Isn't it?
Yeah... It was disappointing that the Panopticon magazine was just five pages of a 24-Hour Surveillance banner though...

Okay, okay hold on a second. What? I just wanted to go back to the main reason we fell in love with this game, the way it really brings to life the dystopian future of the world that's been created. Oh yes well of course... First thing we did was walk around our cell a little to see what we could interact with... Then we got slapped with a 10 year extension on our sentence! Taking more than 5 steps in your cell is a violation of the People's Charter and a waste of valuable resources! Holy crap! In fact, if you're feeling a bit tired and your Accessory suggests you take a rest, Don't do it! Well, not unless you want another 20 years because you haven't purchased the right to recline yet. Seriously, you have to buy the right to recline... and the right to talk to people, to run for more than five seconds, the list goes on. That's the real thing that gets you thinking. That so much as the most trivial of things is such a waste of resources it's worth years of your life. Just let that sink in a second... despite repetitive combat at times, Freedom Wars has captured a beautiful dystopian society, and took great care in thinking of everything to make it feel as real and unfair as any dystopia should in a game.

... Well...
We uh... Knew the customization offered a lot but...
... (Sigh)

Okay Sinners! That's enough, we're done here, your break time is over! Get back to your pitiful cells you call a bedroom! Whoa... Sin... You're really into the whole Sinner abuse thing aren't you? You sadist. Oh shush, I'm just giving the readers what they deserve for wasting valuable res- Ow! You calling our blog a waste? O-Oh! n-no I wasn't doing that! Uhm... until next time Sinners! We love you all!
Ren Score: 9/10
Sin Score: 8/10

A Night To Forget... - Until Dawn

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. It's that time of the week again at last! And this time we're actually going to do a post because REN just plain forgot about it last week. I did n- Oh fine you can have that one... ugh.

Anyway we're back and ready to preach, readers, so here's a little look at Until Dawn.

Until Dawn is Supermassive Games' take on the Survival Horror and Interactive Drama genres and a much more spooky game compared to other similar titles such as Beyond: Two Souls and Heavy Rain. A take on the typical 'trapped in a secluded area with a maniac' plot, Until Dawn sees eight (very intelligent) college friends venture up to a snowy lodge on a mountain in the late evening for a party. One year ago two of their friends disappeared at this very same lodge. Great place for a party, right? Anyway they get trapped there and there's a psycho maniac trying to kill them because the lodge is built on sacred ground or something... There's a lot of mysteries to discover but we'll get to those later.

Ren's face in the morning is the stuff of nightmares
Hey.

Imagine if all the horror games got together for a party. Resident Evil and Silent Hill are the hosts, they know what they're doing and have been doing it for years, everyone loves them. Corpse Party is the new kid on the block, looking cute but desperately trying to fit in. And then there's Until Dawn, running around screaming "Look what I can do!" and trying to show off all it's 'unique' features to make everyone love it, which works on some people but not others.The way I see it, Until Dawn is a game that is so far up it's own arse it can see the light. The game prides itself on how your decisions and quick thinking influence the story, and it can't go more than ten minutes without shoving that fact in your face. The game is all about the Butterfly Effect, a principle from chaos theory which states that a small seemingly inconsequential thing, such as a butterfly flapping its wings, can have a huge influence in the future. Like making a hurricane.

Until Dawn makes use of this effect all throughout the story, in varying extremities. From causing petty arguments to... oh I don't know... flat out leaving one of your so called friends for dead. It's all in there. Take for example the early option to show off by shooting a squirrel instead of a bell. Shoot the squirrel and later on nature is out of balance and will conspire to get you killed as a consequence even hours later. The game loves to show you the consequences of your choices. There's also a strange scene between each chapter where you spend time with Dr Hill, who is presumably some kind of psychiatrist. Those parts are pretty damn surreal, but it get's you thinking about things you wouldn't exactly think about,  and at the same time hints at other, more sinister things. When you tell him your fears they'll appear in the story, and a picture he shows you in an early encounter, shows up in the main game a bit later. the game does a pretty good job of raising lots of questions.

Considering all the choices are made by you, these personality traits hardly matter since you basically bend them at will anyway.

There's a lot of clues littered throughout the various areas of the game that come together to reveal a number of conspiracies, from events 50 years ago to the truth about the missing girls and the identity and motives of the maniac, there's a surprising amount to discover in a game that lasts less than ten hours at best, but it all comes together very satisfyingly.

The game falls flat in some places of course, falling victim to silly flaws of the interactive movie genre. Interacting with items is done by pressing X to get close then R2 to hold them, and various other combinations of movement to do other things. Now why these games feel that the action of grabbing things has to be done by holding a button just feels silly, I'd say it was part of the whole immersion thing by making you grab when the character grabs, but it never really had that effect. Camera angles vary dramatically and change to complete different perspectives all the time. It can make controls hard and has received a lot of criticism from other reviewers. I actually like it though. It's revealed that there are hidden cameras around the area and the maniac is always watching the characters' actions. it would make sense that these often unusual camera angles were the eyes of that madman's cameras. Just let that sink in for a second. 

Girl in the bath, naked, listening to music... and you steal her clothes instead of killing her. Well they don't call you a madman for nothing. 
I dunno, I'd probably do that too you know...
You pervert!

Oh but no matter what you say, the way the characters walk around is beyond horrible. It's slow, the controls are relatively unresponsive and no matter what is going on, even when going after a potentially kidnapped friend, or following a trail of blood, they JUST. WALK. SLOWLY. EVERYWHERE. Like seriously, you're in danger of dying or losing a friend right here do you think you want to act like it at some point!?

Regardless of all that Sin has to say here though, we did enjoy Until Dawn. It is a very good example of horror game and there's a reason it won so many awards. It executes all it's tension well and has a cool way of manipulating the story in that any and every character can die through the course of the game, or none of them can, it's all about the choices you make. There's that god damned selling point again. The only real problem is that the game is best served up fresh. Once you start learning the consequences of various actions you'll know what's coming and what has to change in any future playthroughs, and the impact of the game is completely lost on any subsequent playthroughs as you know how to save (or kill) any of the characters. Of course, the whole time the lives of these 'kids' are in your hands... You psychopath.

So... We're finally all done with Until Dawn Sin! You uh... Can let go of my hand now...
S-Shut up Ren! I was just making sure you didn't poop yourself again.
What? I never- Oh whatever, the readers all know what's up anyway. Until next time friends!
We love you all!

Ren Score: 8/10
Sin Score: 6/10

A Tale That Overperforms - Undertale

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. We're back at long last! We've really been waiting for this moment! Finally! Ren and Sin are back to bring you more reviews! Would you just shut up a second? My god you're so loud. But aren't you happy Sin? I know you've been eagerly thinking up ideas for this review... Sh-shut up Ren! J-Just start telling our adoring fans about Undertale already!

Okay so... Undertale is a game that utterly defies description. In fact I would even go so far as to say it's less of a game, more an experience which you have to try for yourself before judging it. To the untrained eye, Undertale looks like a generic old RPG from the days of the NES, but there's something a whole lot deeper in here. You play as a small androgynous child who has fallen from their home into an underground world known as The Ruins, where there are a number of quirky and unique monsters, and your sole goal is to find a way back home. Battles execute in a standard turn- based RPG fashion, but it's not a case of selecting fight and seeing how much damage you do. When you attack you have to stop a series of bars moving across the screen in the right place to deal damage, and when dodging attacks gameplay takes place in a bullet hell style dodge-fest as you maneuver your soul (a little red heart) around to avoid countless projectiles being fired at you in different ways. Dodging can be very difficult but it makes the combat all the more difficult and rewarding.

Knight Knight? The Good Morningstar? Seriously?
(Hysteric laughter)

 But of course that's the combat, and while it's a big part of the game, it's really not the thing that makes this game so amazing. It's a strange kind of moral adventure really, and though it doesn't outrightly tell you so, the game wants you to beat it in one of two ways. The choice it expects you to take is as standard, killing everything you fight. Your kills reward you with EXP and LV (or Love) and you level up like regular RPG progression. Alternatively, Undertale's combat system gives you the opportunity to 'ACT' instead of 'FIGHT'. 'ACT'ing will give you a number of different options all dependent on the enemy you are facing, certain animal monsters you may be able to pet, for example. Doing the right things with all the enemies will allow you to 'MERCY' them, granting you no EXP or stats, but you get to be happy knowing they're still living a (mostly) happy life. That is the other way to play, kill nothing. Between that you get just a mediocre and somewhat disappointing ending. But the genocider and the pacifist endings are where the real glory is at, and for a story written by basically just one guy, it has one hell of an impact. I mean the writing is great, Sin here was doing the genocider run and was in tears within the first ho- S-SHUT UP. I was fine okay? I-I just had something in my eye the moment I struck that girl down with one last... almighty... oh.... oh god... (sob)

Ah... The human... Bask in that deep, indifferent, unchanging stare... But is it the stare of a murderer? You decide.

Ah... Uhm... Okay so as I was saying! All the elements of Undertale come together to make something great. Although it only lasts at most around 5 hours there's a lot more to see than you'll probably discover in more than one playthrough. Certain items found early on, for example, can have nasty repercussions if you accidentally eat them in a fight and don't have them later on. There's a shocking amount of thought and detail that has gone into this short gem, and it shows in every pixel.

Boss fights all adjust the game mechanics a bit and are really exciting and unique to play.
They also get lots more silly... Especially this guy...

Though you don't get to see particularly much of any of them, many of the characters also have a surprising amount of depth to them, take fan-favourite comedic duo Sans and Papyrus who... well, their dialogue is written in Comic Sans and Papyrus respectively, for starters. The two least serious fonts besides Wingdings, but we don't need to go into that. Basically it means you're not supposed to take them seriously either, but I'm sure you intelligent readers got that. Papyrus' goal is to kill a human and join the Royal Guard. (Ahem) S-Sorry uh... Papyrus' goal is to kill a human so he will finally be allowed into the Royal Guard and have friends and be 'cool' like he' always wanted to be. The joke there being that he's about as uncool as you can get and he grows to really like the Human, especially when you use the 'Flirt' option while you fight him, but you can enjoy that for yourself. All throughout the game there's all kinds of wordplay and humour the mock different kinds of people and tropes yet also endear you to them. And of course there's a LOT of really bad jokes too. Very well executed bad jokes, mind  you, and if you're about an hour in and not laughing your soul out then Undertale probably isn't for you. But if you do try it and don't like it... It probably says something about the kind of person you are... You know, like a total bore or a some studious nerd that doesn't find anything fun except next term's upcoming Quantum Algebra Within Electromagnetic Cells exam. 

Oh look it's Sin!
Oh come on Ren is that supposed to be a joke? Everyone knows I'm not a plane. This is a new low even for you.
... You're kidding right?

It's hard to explain what it is that makes Undertale so special. It's just something that is. Something you feel within you when you play. It's a charming mix of serious morality and quirky comedy that just gets you right there. Whether it's the running theme of pure determination and facing what's ahead A-HEAD on- Ow! (Don't do that.) Orrrr... the beautiful varied soundtrack which really adds to the feel and atmosphere of every fight and location, Undertale is nothing short of a gaming work of art.

So... Sin... Did you uh... finish your run yet?
H-huh? Oh uhm.... Yes! Yes I did!
... You're still stuck fighting S-
YES. YES I AM OKAY SHUT UP. It's my punishment for being a genocider, okay!? That fight is impossible and it's all YOUR FAULT anyway! It's not like I wanted to kill them all or anything!
My fault? You're the bitch that killed 'Goat-
Ah... D-Don't... (Sob)
Oh uhh... Whoops! Until next time everyone! We love you all!

Ren Score: 9/10
Sin Score: 8/10

Amiibo Detestible - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival

...
...
Well...
Yeah...
Hello beautiful people of the Internet...
And not so beautiful ones...
This is...
Uh... This is not good!
Uh, yup...
But this isn't enough, oh no. Let's take a moment to... 'appreciate' the wonders... of how a game this bad can exist!
Now, now Sin, calm down a second... I assure you this game isn't... you know... it's not that bad.
Yeah right! Just... ugh! This is Animal Crossing... (sigh) Amiibo Festival...

The faces of Tom Nook and K.K. Slider here are accurate depictions of the average Amiibo Festival player.
Bask in the indifference.
The face of Isabelle here is an accurate depiction of the average Ren playing this game.
Don't make it sound like I enjoyed this disappointment!

Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival, released in November on the WiiU, is another example of Nintendo re-skinning their existing IP's to try and turn a further profit. Similar to the Mario Party games, AC:AF is a board game where players aim to collect as many points as possible. In this case, it's money and happiness, which make perfect sense for this game. Animal crossing is like the tamest game for all ages ever made after all. It's just hard to find any enjoyment in the sweet charming world of Animal Crossing in this one. Like I get it Sin, Mario Party, although they've been getting worse and worse since Mario Party 7 came out, is still a widely popular and fun game. So why not get more worth out of the board game concept? Why? I'll tell you why. Because this is not the way to do it!

AC:AF is nothing short of what I would call a 'bored' game. Yes, it does have it's charms, Ren will continue to blather on about them, but it really is just a slow little board game at the cost of £40 or so. The gameplay consists almost entirely of touching an Amiibo to the WiiU gamepad to roll the dice, and choosing which way you move. That's it. There's not even any mini-games, you know, the GOOD part of Mario Party! Calm down a second Sin, jeez... You know board games just like this were a really popular things back in the day, no mini-games or anything. Yes Ren but we paid for a video game. We paid for fun! The game is so simple I could have made it myself pretty damn easily. Where do Nintendo get off selling this thing for full price! AND while you're not restricted to play without using preset guest characters, the game encourages you to buy Amiibos in order to save progress properly if you play a lot. So basically Nintendo have sold us the game Monopoly, except it only comes with the car shaped playing piece and if you want any more you'll have to buy them separate for half the price of the game!

Amiibo. Now with 70% extra rip off.
And no extra gameplay.

Okay yes so it's an overly-expensive electronic board game, that's not to say there's no enjoyment to be had out of it. Animal Crossing games have always been a relaxing experience and this is no exception. The whole point of the game is to move around the town landing on spaces that will trigger events that earn 'happy points' and money, simple as that. The spaces make it immediately obvious what will happen if you land there. Although it's completely down to luck how much you gain or lose, sometimes you'll gain 500 Bells, others 5,000. There's no real way to tell and it drains even more strategy from a largely monotonous game. In addition, the events are so... so... just so dumb that while you'll get a little enjoyment out of them for a while, they'll quickly become dull and repetitive to anyone that isn't a small child. Animal Crossing games have always been fun for all ages, but this one breaks the trend, because I can't see a way that anyone other than a child can enjoy this one for more than one game. "Today I took a shit in the woods. The cops got mad at me but it helped some guy's flowers grow so instead they paid me for it"

"Sin's Chest" "Definitely not Ren's cock"
HEY!

So it may be a bad game but that doesn't mean there's nothing great here. There's a certain kind of Animal Crossing magic taking place here. The game is played around a calendar basis, with a standard game spanning one whole month. each turn is a day in the calendar, and on particular days certain events take place, for example Jingle the reindeer will always come to town on the 24th turn on a December game. It's a nice unique Animal Crossing addition to the game and there's a little bit in there that will make you want to play through all the months to see what there is. Other events also take place daily throughout the week, with half the spaces on the board being related to special NPC's you'll recognize from actual AC games. Katrina the fortune teller comes to town to change your luck and a number of other characters appear. Those events are repetitive as hell though, and you'll wish you never land on those spaces again after the first time trust me. It's always the same, and slows the pace of the game immensely. There's no fun in always knowing what's coming in a party game. 

Ha. Ha ha. I can hardly contain my laughter.
(Excessive laughing)
(Sigh...)

You've been nothing short of ruthless today Sin.
Well I mean I couldn't help it. Mario Party is dull enough. It's deserved for Nintendo leaving us with this filth in place of a game I've been waiting for.
Hey, admit you were still taken in by how wonderful it looks on WiiU.
Oh yes of course, it looks good, but if I can't go fishing properly and build up a lovely collection of fossils then this Animal Crossing is no friend of mine. I barely liked Happy Home Designer too. When are we getting a REAL Animal Crossing game again? I neeeeeeed that stuff.
Sin really loves the little things in life.
Shut up.

Ren Score: 4/10
Sin Score: 2/10

(It's Christmas next week, we'll probably be busy indulging in new games to review for you guys, so there definitely will be no post next week! You have every right to be deeply disappointed in him)

Wrong End... - Corpse Party: Blood Drive

(GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING. THIS GAME IS RATED 18+. SOME IMAGES MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN)

H-Hello beautiful people of the Internet... BOO! AHHH! Sin! What the hell!? Oh come on! I couldn't help it Ren you've been practically peeing yourself all week because of this game! I-I can't help it okay!? It's creepy as hell. Finally! A horror game that actually does its job (Only because you're a pussy) - We present to you... Corpse Party: Blood Drive!

Corpse Party: Blood Drive is the third installment of the Japanese cult hit horror franchise and is a direct sequel to the second game Book of Shadows. Although we have never played a Corpse Party game before this one the game provides enough background information that allows us to understand exactly what is going on within the first hour or so. Though it references a lot of names you won't understand, and some terminology from previous games the game very kindly explains events from previous games in character profiles found in the Bonus menu. Considering I expected to be as confused as a headless chicken coming into this on it was a pleasant surprise. It's just a shame that a spooky game I was so looking forward to has a number of... other issues...

Ahhh Corpse Party... Join generic overly protective guys #1 and #2...
And whiny, self-blaming girls #1 and #2...
As they embark on an epic quest to probably inevitably die this time. Because Corpse Party.

CP: Blood Drive sees the main surviving cast of the previous games return to the Nirvana that is Heavenly Host Elementary after becoming convinced that further actions within can revive their lost friends. Except now the dimension is crumbling and an even darker being is at its helm. Heavenly Host itself, all its environments and its atmosphere are stunning. It's dark, bleak... the floor is always full of holes... and there's this amazing 3D sound thing they've got going on, where audio was recorded is a very special way such that you can actually 'hear' the direction sound is coming from. And when you're fully immersed in the game those sounds can be genuinely terrifying!. The only problem with this is that unless you're some spineless entity that accepts everything in a game as gospel like Ren here, you will never be immersed in this one.

And here I was thinking Ren was the only crazy guy that performed Romeo and Juliet with the remains of a dead lover.
What th-!? I Never-! Ugh... I think I'm going to throw up...

In fact, Corpse Party: Blood Drive seems to find itself so scary countermeasures have been rigorously put in place to ruin all attempts at immersion! Loading times are scarier than the game itself! It takes roughly five whole minutes to boot up the game each time you turn it on, and there's basically another minute of loading every time you open the menu, move between areas, trigger a cutscene, use an item, switch the character you're controlling... The list just goes on and on! but sin, at least when it's not loading the game is great right? You're kidding me right? The characters walk so slowly you have to run everywhere but there's a hidden stamina gauge you can't see so you can't run all the time! Oh! Oh! and did I mention the frame rate sucks and that every time the game goes to play one of it's 'amazing 3D sound things' the game lags! LAG! IN A SINGLE PLAYER GAME! My God if I wanted to play a game full of lag I'd go play League of Legends! Whoa... Hey well calm down a little Sin, gosh. I mean hey at least the characters are cute right? Sure they are! there's always something great about a game with adorable little 3D chibi sprites isn't there... Oh wait, except they really don't fit into a HORROR game. Like come on how am I supposed to feel scared when all I can so is stare at those big little eyes!

"Uhm yes excuse me I'm trying to be scary but I think somebody CHOSE THE WRONG GRAPHICS SETTINGS"

Okay okay geez... I get it so the game has a couple... Okay, MANY flaws. But ultimately the reason you play Corpse Party is for the story and shock factor is it not? And boy does it have that! Okay... Well.. Well! The game does a wonderful job of pulling off successful jump scares which is way better than can be said for a lot of games. There aren't actually a lot of enemies in the game, they're difficult to see, and more often than not just seem to appear out of nowhere, so when you suddenly see or hear them there's some genuine "OH SHIT" moments. Oh Ren that's a good point... I just remembered something now you said that. Hm? What is it?

Ren literally jumped out of his skin when this CG appeared
H-Hey c'mon it was totally unexpected!
Yeah, I bet that's what she was saying when she died too.

Well I mean as you would expect a survival horror game such as this has a lot of survival horror-y mechanics to go with it of course. Your flashlight is battery powered- Which is fine! And the batteries last long enough and there's enough of them around that they won't run out which is great! Geez, no need to be so hasty Ren the battery mechanic is, dare I say it, perfect. That was just an example. Oh... No, what I was really going to say was... Well... You're a hardcore gamer like myself aren't you Ren? Ourselves you mean? Okay shut up wise guy. Anyway, don't you just HATE it when it's almost impossible to tell what you need to do in a game to progress? Doesn't that suck? You're making it sound like you're complaining the game is too difficult, that's not like you Sin. Oh no the difficulty is fine in fact I think the game is a challenge which is again a rarity. 

The fact that this early encounter is a character from the previous games is probably a little less impactful than it was on someone who was playing the first game and actually cared about her when she was... you know, smushed against a wall.

Seriously though my biggest problem with this game is that while I hate games making things too obvious, Blood Drive does so well at making important things look irrelevant or regular that you end up spending hours walking around the same few rooms looking for an arbitrary item you can get by burning mundane cabinet #046 in the corner of the starting room! This game doesn't hold hands in any way and I'm still not settled on whether that's a good or a bad thing. It's definitely a good thing, even though I can think of at least three occasions where we've wandered around the school looking for something only to find we had to, say, move a pile of desks away from a door. You know, desks we assumed were there to stop us going through the door for the whole chapter. I don't know I think this game just punishes our overthinking gamer minds. It pains me to say you're probably right about that. We spent an hour repeating one part because of conflicting game mechanics. Since evil spirits will chase you laps around the whole school on sight you can climb into lockers Alien: Isolation style to hide. Providing the spirits don't see you, you'll be fine but the problem is they run so fast while far away it's almost impossible to climb in one without being ripped out of it. So naturally when a scripted event happens where you're pursued by two extremely fast horrific people, our first thought wasn't to hop into the locker a little way in front of us and hope for the best. In fact it wasn't a thought at all until we decided nothing was working why the hell not! Like, it doesn't matter where you go they WILL follow you... you know except when you get in that one locker and then afterwards go to one specific room that for some reason they just won't follow you in! Like what even is that! Hello? Was the department for good game design out the day you made this or what!?

All in all I hate the fact that this game is so much worse than it could have been. The story is still dark, engrossing and full of twists, which is great for the core part of the game that you really want to experience. But with a lot of the actual gameplay elements letting it down it's difficult to get behind a game you can only really enjoy if you can somehow make yourself oblivious to its faults, and that's not easy...

So! that's all for this week folks! We hope you-
NNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Whoooaaaaa... I've never seen Sin run so fast... See I always knew she was just as scared as-
RRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT!

Wow. I've never seen him run so fast before... Serves him right... hehe.

Ren Score: 8/10

Sin Score: 5/10