A Night To Forget... - Until Dawn

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. It's that time of the week again at last! And this time we're actually going to do a post because REN just plain forgot about it last week. I did n- Oh fine you can have that one... ugh.

Anyway we're back and ready to preach, readers, so here's a little look at Until Dawn.

Until Dawn is Supermassive Games' take on the Survival Horror and Interactive Drama genres and a much more spooky game compared to other similar titles such as Beyond: Two Souls and Heavy Rain. A take on the typical 'trapped in a secluded area with a maniac' plot, Until Dawn sees eight (very intelligent) college friends venture up to a snowy lodge on a mountain in the late evening for a party. One year ago two of their friends disappeared at this very same lodge. Great place for a party, right? Anyway they get trapped there and there's a psycho maniac trying to kill them because the lodge is built on sacred ground or something... There's a lot of mysteries to discover but we'll get to those later.

Ren's face in the morning is the stuff of nightmares
Hey.

Imagine if all the horror games got together for a party. Resident Evil and Silent Hill are the hosts, they know what they're doing and have been doing it for years, everyone loves them. Corpse Party is the new kid on the block, looking cute but desperately trying to fit in. And then there's Until Dawn, running around screaming "Look what I can do!" and trying to show off all it's 'unique' features to make everyone love it, which works on some people but not others.The way I see it, Until Dawn is a game that is so far up it's own arse it can see the light. The game prides itself on how your decisions and quick thinking influence the story, and it can't go more than ten minutes without shoving that fact in your face. The game is all about the Butterfly Effect, a principle from chaos theory which states that a small seemingly inconsequential thing, such as a butterfly flapping its wings, can have a huge influence in the future. Like making a hurricane.

Until Dawn makes use of this effect all throughout the story, in varying extremities. From causing petty arguments to... oh I don't know... flat out leaving one of your so called friends for dead. It's all in there. Take for example the early option to show off by shooting a squirrel instead of a bell. Shoot the squirrel and later on nature is out of balance and will conspire to get you killed as a consequence even hours later. The game loves to show you the consequences of your choices. There's also a strange scene between each chapter where you spend time with Dr Hill, who is presumably some kind of psychiatrist. Those parts are pretty damn surreal, but it get's you thinking about things you wouldn't exactly think about,  and at the same time hints at other, more sinister things. When you tell him your fears they'll appear in the story, and a picture he shows you in an early encounter, shows up in the main game a bit later. the game does a pretty good job of raising lots of questions.

Considering all the choices are made by you, these personality traits hardly matter since you basically bend them at will anyway.

There's a lot of clues littered throughout the various areas of the game that come together to reveal a number of conspiracies, from events 50 years ago to the truth about the missing girls and the identity and motives of the maniac, there's a surprising amount to discover in a game that lasts less than ten hours at best, but it all comes together very satisfyingly.

The game falls flat in some places of course, falling victim to silly flaws of the interactive movie genre. Interacting with items is done by pressing X to get close then R2 to hold them, and various other combinations of movement to do other things. Now why these games feel that the action of grabbing things has to be done by holding a button just feels silly, I'd say it was part of the whole immersion thing by making you grab when the character grabs, but it never really had that effect. Camera angles vary dramatically and change to complete different perspectives all the time. It can make controls hard and has received a lot of criticism from other reviewers. I actually like it though. It's revealed that there are hidden cameras around the area and the maniac is always watching the characters' actions. it would make sense that these often unusual camera angles were the eyes of that madman's cameras. Just let that sink in for a second. 

Girl in the bath, naked, listening to music... and you steal her clothes instead of killing her. Well they don't call you a madman for nothing. 
I dunno, I'd probably do that too you know...
You pervert!

Oh but no matter what you say, the way the characters walk around is beyond horrible. It's slow, the controls are relatively unresponsive and no matter what is going on, even when going after a potentially kidnapped friend, or following a trail of blood, they JUST. WALK. SLOWLY. EVERYWHERE. Like seriously, you're in danger of dying or losing a friend right here do you think you want to act like it at some point!?

Regardless of all that Sin has to say here though, we did enjoy Until Dawn. It is a very good example of horror game and there's a reason it won so many awards. It executes all it's tension well and has a cool way of manipulating the story in that any and every character can die through the course of the game, or none of them can, it's all about the choices you make. There's that god damned selling point again. The only real problem is that the game is best served up fresh. Once you start learning the consequences of various actions you'll know what's coming and what has to change in any future playthroughs, and the impact of the game is completely lost on any subsequent playthroughs as you know how to save (or kill) any of the characters. Of course, the whole time the lives of these 'kids' are in your hands... You psychopath.

So... We're finally all done with Until Dawn Sin! You uh... Can let go of my hand now...
S-Shut up Ren! I was just making sure you didn't poop yourself again.
What? I never- Oh whatever, the readers all know what's up anyway. Until next time friends!
We love you all!

Ren Score: 8/10
Sin Score: 6/10

A Tale That Overperforms - Undertale

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. We're back at long last! We've really been waiting for this moment! Finally! Ren and Sin are back to bring you more reviews! Would you just shut up a second? My god you're so loud. But aren't you happy Sin? I know you've been eagerly thinking up ideas for this review... Sh-shut up Ren! J-Just start telling our adoring fans about Undertale already!

Okay so... Undertale is a game that utterly defies description. In fact I would even go so far as to say it's less of a game, more an experience which you have to try for yourself before judging it. To the untrained eye, Undertale looks like a generic old RPG from the days of the NES, but there's something a whole lot deeper in here. You play as a small androgynous child who has fallen from their home into an underground world known as The Ruins, where there are a number of quirky and unique monsters, and your sole goal is to find a way back home. Battles execute in a standard turn- based RPG fashion, but it's not a case of selecting fight and seeing how much damage you do. When you attack you have to stop a series of bars moving across the screen in the right place to deal damage, and when dodging attacks gameplay takes place in a bullet hell style dodge-fest as you maneuver your soul (a little red heart) around to avoid countless projectiles being fired at you in different ways. Dodging can be very difficult but it makes the combat all the more difficult and rewarding.

Knight Knight? The Good Morningstar? Seriously?
(Hysteric laughter)

 But of course that's the combat, and while it's a big part of the game, it's really not the thing that makes this game so amazing. It's a strange kind of moral adventure really, and though it doesn't outrightly tell you so, the game wants you to beat it in one of two ways. The choice it expects you to take is as standard, killing everything you fight. Your kills reward you with EXP and LV (or Love) and you level up like regular RPG progression. Alternatively, Undertale's combat system gives you the opportunity to 'ACT' instead of 'FIGHT'. 'ACT'ing will give you a number of different options all dependent on the enemy you are facing, certain animal monsters you may be able to pet, for example. Doing the right things with all the enemies will allow you to 'MERCY' them, granting you no EXP or stats, but you get to be happy knowing they're still living a (mostly) happy life. That is the other way to play, kill nothing. Between that you get just a mediocre and somewhat disappointing ending. But the genocider and the pacifist endings are where the real glory is at, and for a story written by basically just one guy, it has one hell of an impact. I mean the writing is great, Sin here was doing the genocider run and was in tears within the first ho- S-SHUT UP. I was fine okay? I-I just had something in my eye the moment I struck that girl down with one last... almighty... oh.... oh god... (sob)

Ah... The human... Bask in that deep, indifferent, unchanging stare... But is it the stare of a murderer? You decide.

Ah... Uhm... Okay so as I was saying! All the elements of Undertale come together to make something great. Although it only lasts at most around 5 hours there's a lot more to see than you'll probably discover in more than one playthrough. Certain items found early on, for example, can have nasty repercussions if you accidentally eat them in a fight and don't have them later on. There's a shocking amount of thought and detail that has gone into this short gem, and it shows in every pixel.

Boss fights all adjust the game mechanics a bit and are really exciting and unique to play.
They also get lots more silly... Especially this guy...

Though you don't get to see particularly much of any of them, many of the characters also have a surprising amount of depth to them, take fan-favourite comedic duo Sans and Papyrus who... well, their dialogue is written in Comic Sans and Papyrus respectively, for starters. The two least serious fonts besides Wingdings, but we don't need to go into that. Basically it means you're not supposed to take them seriously either, but I'm sure you intelligent readers got that. Papyrus' goal is to kill a human and join the Royal Guard. (Ahem) S-Sorry uh... Papyrus' goal is to kill a human so he will finally be allowed into the Royal Guard and have friends and be 'cool' like he' always wanted to be. The joke there being that he's about as uncool as you can get and he grows to really like the Human, especially when you use the 'Flirt' option while you fight him, but you can enjoy that for yourself. All throughout the game there's all kinds of wordplay and humour the mock different kinds of people and tropes yet also endear you to them. And of course there's a LOT of really bad jokes too. Very well executed bad jokes, mind  you, and if you're about an hour in and not laughing your soul out then Undertale probably isn't for you. But if you do try it and don't like it... It probably says something about the kind of person you are... You know, like a total bore or a some studious nerd that doesn't find anything fun except next term's upcoming Quantum Algebra Within Electromagnetic Cells exam. 

Oh look it's Sin!
Oh come on Ren is that supposed to be a joke? Everyone knows I'm not a plane. This is a new low even for you.
... You're kidding right?

It's hard to explain what it is that makes Undertale so special. It's just something that is. Something you feel within you when you play. It's a charming mix of serious morality and quirky comedy that just gets you right there. Whether it's the running theme of pure determination and facing what's ahead A-HEAD on- Ow! (Don't do that.) Orrrr... the beautiful varied soundtrack which really adds to the feel and atmosphere of every fight and location, Undertale is nothing short of a gaming work of art.

So... Sin... Did you uh... finish your run yet?
H-huh? Oh uhm.... Yes! Yes I did!
... You're still stuck fighting S-
YES. YES I AM OKAY SHUT UP. It's my punishment for being a genocider, okay!? That fight is impossible and it's all YOUR FAULT anyway! It's not like I wanted to kill them all or anything!
My fault? You're the bitch that killed 'Goat-
Ah... D-Don't... (Sob)
Oh uhh... Whoops! Until next time everyone! We love you all!

Ren Score: 9/10
Sin Score: 8/10

Amiibo Detestible - Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival

...
...
Well...
Yeah...
Hello beautiful people of the Internet...
And not so beautiful ones...
This is...
Uh... This is not good!
Uh, yup...
But this isn't enough, oh no. Let's take a moment to... 'appreciate' the wonders... of how a game this bad can exist!
Now, now Sin, calm down a second... I assure you this game isn't... you know... it's not that bad.
Yeah right! Just... ugh! This is Animal Crossing... (sigh) Amiibo Festival...

The faces of Tom Nook and K.K. Slider here are accurate depictions of the average Amiibo Festival player.
Bask in the indifference.
The face of Isabelle here is an accurate depiction of the average Ren playing this game.
Don't make it sound like I enjoyed this disappointment!

Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival, released in November on the WiiU, is another example of Nintendo re-skinning their existing IP's to try and turn a further profit. Similar to the Mario Party games, AC:AF is a board game where players aim to collect as many points as possible. In this case, it's money and happiness, which make perfect sense for this game. Animal crossing is like the tamest game for all ages ever made after all. It's just hard to find any enjoyment in the sweet charming world of Animal Crossing in this one. Like I get it Sin, Mario Party, although they've been getting worse and worse since Mario Party 7 came out, is still a widely popular and fun game. So why not get more worth out of the board game concept? Why? I'll tell you why. Because this is not the way to do it!

AC:AF is nothing short of what I would call a 'bored' game. Yes, it does have it's charms, Ren will continue to blather on about them, but it really is just a slow little board game at the cost of £40 or so. The gameplay consists almost entirely of touching an Amiibo to the WiiU gamepad to roll the dice, and choosing which way you move. That's it. There's not even any mini-games, you know, the GOOD part of Mario Party! Calm down a second Sin, jeez... You know board games just like this were a really popular things back in the day, no mini-games or anything. Yes Ren but we paid for a video game. We paid for fun! The game is so simple I could have made it myself pretty damn easily. Where do Nintendo get off selling this thing for full price! AND while you're not restricted to play without using preset guest characters, the game encourages you to buy Amiibos in order to save progress properly if you play a lot. So basically Nintendo have sold us the game Monopoly, except it only comes with the car shaped playing piece and if you want any more you'll have to buy them separate for half the price of the game!

Amiibo. Now with 70% extra rip off.
And no extra gameplay.

Okay yes so it's an overly-expensive electronic board game, that's not to say there's no enjoyment to be had out of it. Animal Crossing games have always been a relaxing experience and this is no exception. The whole point of the game is to move around the town landing on spaces that will trigger events that earn 'happy points' and money, simple as that. The spaces make it immediately obvious what will happen if you land there. Although it's completely down to luck how much you gain or lose, sometimes you'll gain 500 Bells, others 5,000. There's no real way to tell and it drains even more strategy from a largely monotonous game. In addition, the events are so... so... just so dumb that while you'll get a little enjoyment out of them for a while, they'll quickly become dull and repetitive to anyone that isn't a small child. Animal Crossing games have always been fun for all ages, but this one breaks the trend, because I can't see a way that anyone other than a child can enjoy this one for more than one game. "Today I took a shit in the woods. The cops got mad at me but it helped some guy's flowers grow so instead they paid me for it"

"Sin's Chest" "Definitely not Ren's cock"
HEY!

So it may be a bad game but that doesn't mean there's nothing great here. There's a certain kind of Animal Crossing magic taking place here. The game is played around a calendar basis, with a standard game spanning one whole month. each turn is a day in the calendar, and on particular days certain events take place, for example Jingle the reindeer will always come to town on the 24th turn on a December game. It's a nice unique Animal Crossing addition to the game and there's a little bit in there that will make you want to play through all the months to see what there is. Other events also take place daily throughout the week, with half the spaces on the board being related to special NPC's you'll recognize from actual AC games. Katrina the fortune teller comes to town to change your luck and a number of other characters appear. Those events are repetitive as hell though, and you'll wish you never land on those spaces again after the first time trust me. It's always the same, and slows the pace of the game immensely. There's no fun in always knowing what's coming in a party game. 

Ha. Ha ha. I can hardly contain my laughter.
(Excessive laughing)
(Sigh...)

You've been nothing short of ruthless today Sin.
Well I mean I couldn't help it. Mario Party is dull enough. It's deserved for Nintendo leaving us with this filth in place of a game I've been waiting for.
Hey, admit you were still taken in by how wonderful it looks on WiiU.
Oh yes of course, it looks good, but if I can't go fishing properly and build up a lovely collection of fossils then this Animal Crossing is no friend of mine. I barely liked Happy Home Designer too. When are we getting a REAL Animal Crossing game again? I neeeeeeed that stuff.
Sin really loves the little things in life.
Shut up.

Ren Score: 4/10
Sin Score: 2/10

(It's Christmas next week, we'll probably be busy indulging in new games to review for you guys, so there definitely will be no post next week! You have every right to be deeply disappointed in him)

Wrong End... - Corpse Party: Blood Drive

(GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING. THIS GAME IS RATED 18+. SOME IMAGES MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN)

H-Hello beautiful people of the Internet... BOO! AHHH! Sin! What the hell!? Oh come on! I couldn't help it Ren you've been practically peeing yourself all week because of this game! I-I can't help it okay!? It's creepy as hell. Finally! A horror game that actually does its job (Only because you're a pussy) - We present to you... Corpse Party: Blood Drive!

Corpse Party: Blood Drive is the third installment of the Japanese cult hit horror franchise and is a direct sequel to the second game Book of Shadows. Although we have never played a Corpse Party game before this one the game provides enough background information that allows us to understand exactly what is going on within the first hour or so. Though it references a lot of names you won't understand, and some terminology from previous games the game very kindly explains events from previous games in character profiles found in the Bonus menu. Considering I expected to be as confused as a headless chicken coming into this on it was a pleasant surprise. It's just a shame that a spooky game I was so looking forward to has a number of... other issues...

Ahhh Corpse Party... Join generic overly protective guys #1 and #2...
And whiny, self-blaming girls #1 and #2...
As they embark on an epic quest to probably inevitably die this time. Because Corpse Party.

CP: Blood Drive sees the main surviving cast of the previous games return to the Nirvana that is Heavenly Host Elementary after becoming convinced that further actions within can revive their lost friends. Except now the dimension is crumbling and an even darker being is at its helm. Heavenly Host itself, all its environments and its atmosphere are stunning. It's dark, bleak... the floor is always full of holes... and there's this amazing 3D sound thing they've got going on, where audio was recorded is a very special way such that you can actually 'hear' the direction sound is coming from. And when you're fully immersed in the game those sounds can be genuinely terrifying!. The only problem with this is that unless you're some spineless entity that accepts everything in a game as gospel like Ren here, you will never be immersed in this one.

And here I was thinking Ren was the only crazy guy that performed Romeo and Juliet with the remains of a dead lover.
What th-!? I Never-! Ugh... I think I'm going to throw up...

In fact, Corpse Party: Blood Drive seems to find itself so scary countermeasures have been rigorously put in place to ruin all attempts at immersion! Loading times are scarier than the game itself! It takes roughly five whole minutes to boot up the game each time you turn it on, and there's basically another minute of loading every time you open the menu, move between areas, trigger a cutscene, use an item, switch the character you're controlling... The list just goes on and on! but sin, at least when it's not loading the game is great right? You're kidding me right? The characters walk so slowly you have to run everywhere but there's a hidden stamina gauge you can't see so you can't run all the time! Oh! Oh! and did I mention the frame rate sucks and that every time the game goes to play one of it's 'amazing 3D sound things' the game lags! LAG! IN A SINGLE PLAYER GAME! My God if I wanted to play a game full of lag I'd go play League of Legends! Whoa... Hey well calm down a little Sin, gosh. I mean hey at least the characters are cute right? Sure they are! there's always something great about a game with adorable little 3D chibi sprites isn't there... Oh wait, except they really don't fit into a HORROR game. Like come on how am I supposed to feel scared when all I can so is stare at those big little eyes!

"Uhm yes excuse me I'm trying to be scary but I think somebody CHOSE THE WRONG GRAPHICS SETTINGS"

Okay okay geez... I get it so the game has a couple... Okay, MANY flaws. But ultimately the reason you play Corpse Party is for the story and shock factor is it not? And boy does it have that! Okay... Well.. Well! The game does a wonderful job of pulling off successful jump scares which is way better than can be said for a lot of games. There aren't actually a lot of enemies in the game, they're difficult to see, and more often than not just seem to appear out of nowhere, so when you suddenly see or hear them there's some genuine "OH SHIT" moments. Oh Ren that's a good point... I just remembered something now you said that. Hm? What is it?

Ren literally jumped out of his skin when this CG appeared
H-Hey c'mon it was totally unexpected!
Yeah, I bet that's what she was saying when she died too.

Well I mean as you would expect a survival horror game such as this has a lot of survival horror-y mechanics to go with it of course. Your flashlight is battery powered- Which is fine! And the batteries last long enough and there's enough of them around that they won't run out which is great! Geez, no need to be so hasty Ren the battery mechanic is, dare I say it, perfect. That was just an example. Oh... No, what I was really going to say was... Well... You're a hardcore gamer like myself aren't you Ren? Ourselves you mean? Okay shut up wise guy. Anyway, don't you just HATE it when it's almost impossible to tell what you need to do in a game to progress? Doesn't that suck? You're making it sound like you're complaining the game is too difficult, that's not like you Sin. Oh no the difficulty is fine in fact I think the game is a challenge which is again a rarity. 

The fact that this early encounter is a character from the previous games is probably a little less impactful than it was on someone who was playing the first game and actually cared about her when she was... you know, smushed against a wall.

Seriously though my biggest problem with this game is that while I hate games making things too obvious, Blood Drive does so well at making important things look irrelevant or regular that you end up spending hours walking around the same few rooms looking for an arbitrary item you can get by burning mundane cabinet #046 in the corner of the starting room! This game doesn't hold hands in any way and I'm still not settled on whether that's a good or a bad thing. It's definitely a good thing, even though I can think of at least three occasions where we've wandered around the school looking for something only to find we had to, say, move a pile of desks away from a door. You know, desks we assumed were there to stop us going through the door for the whole chapter. I don't know I think this game just punishes our overthinking gamer minds. It pains me to say you're probably right about that. We spent an hour repeating one part because of conflicting game mechanics. Since evil spirits will chase you laps around the whole school on sight you can climb into lockers Alien: Isolation style to hide. Providing the spirits don't see you, you'll be fine but the problem is they run so fast while far away it's almost impossible to climb in one without being ripped out of it. So naturally when a scripted event happens where you're pursued by two extremely fast horrific people, our first thought wasn't to hop into the locker a little way in front of us and hope for the best. In fact it wasn't a thought at all until we decided nothing was working why the hell not! Like, it doesn't matter where you go they WILL follow you... you know except when you get in that one locker and then afterwards go to one specific room that for some reason they just won't follow you in! Like what even is that! Hello? Was the department for good game design out the day you made this or what!?

All in all I hate the fact that this game is so much worse than it could have been. The story is still dark, engrossing and full of twists, which is great for the core part of the game that you really want to experience. But with a lot of the actual gameplay elements letting it down it's difficult to get behind a game you can only really enjoy if you can somehow make yourself oblivious to its faults, and that's not easy...

So! that's all for this week folks! We hope you-
NNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Whoooaaaaa... I've never seen Sin run so fast... See I always knew she was just as scared as-
RRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT!

Wow. I've never seen him run so fast before... Serves him right... hehe.

Ren Score: 8/10

Sin Score: 5/10

With Friends Like These... - Emily Is Away

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. It's time for something a little different today! The game that ruins friendships. Literally.

Emily Is Away is a short but sweet free game you can pick up on steam. It's the story of you and a high school friend called Emily, told in the form of brief instant messaging chats from the early 2000's. Complete with faithful representation of the hideous old Windows XP dashboard, sounds and usability (for optimal immersion!).

You know, the fact one of Ren's favourite terrible jokes is in this game is enough to make me quit right now.
(Excessive laughter)

For a game that takes at most thirty minutes to complete it's surprisingly deep and really gets you thinking. Unfortunately it really loses its magic any times after you've beaten it. The gameplay consists solely of choosing an icon at the start of each chapter, and responding to Emily's messages by selecting a multiple choice option and spamming random keys on your keyboard until 'you' have typed out a message to reply with. Playing this game brought on a lot of nostalgia for me, chatting online like in this game was a lot of my time spent online five years ago, and I've known people just like Emily (I feel a lot of us have) in the past. Yeah. Ren never had any real friends. Hey! I had friends shut up!

You would think a game such as this would be boring, it's basically just like talking to one of those chatbot advertisements that pop up while you're on the internet. What? When have there ever been adverts like th- Wait... Didn't those show up from porn websites? A-Anyway! Regardless of that it's a very interesting story that can see you get pretty emotionally attached to Emily in a matter of minutes. Despite only being a part of a single chat for each of the five years the story plays out in, I still felt that I had known her for all that time in-between just from reminiscent messages. Ren was totally in love with her. And Sin had found her best gal-pal... Ow!

You just don't know when to give up do you?
But he sounds like a horrible boyfriend!

It's obvious the game is aimed at a male audience (Or a lesbian audience! Let's be fair here! Sin! Be quiet!). There's a clear romantic subtext between the player and Emily which you can choose to embrace or even shut down altogether. At one point when she asks what you're up to on the weekend, all three different responses lead to you typing 'with my friend Emma'. When she asks who Emma is you can say she's 'A friend', 'Just a girl' or 'A girl I like' depending on how you're feeling. Regardless of what you say, like Sin she doesn't seem happy about it. The very same could be said the other way too. Whenever Emily mentions her on-off boyfriend Brad, the options become something along the lines of 'Stereotypical nice guy', 'it's not like I'm into you or anything style sarcasm' and 'call him a twat'. The last ones are my favourite.

It's great that some of the options are just you being a dick.
Hey what have you got against High School?
......... Ugh.

It's cool that this game gives you so many options for pursuing the story. Do you go after Emily? Try and make it work with Emma instead? Or just be the the biggest bastard a girl could ever meet. Either way who freaking cares! It always goes the same way anyway, both your character and Emily only care about what they want! So Emily ends up with- WAIT! ... What? Spoilers Sin! Spoilers! Oh come on who cares about spoilers for a game they'll beat in half an hour anyway! Emily always ends up with Brad or Travis. You always manage to mess it up with Emma, no matter what you say. And the game always leads to a scenario with the same three options! Goodbye forever. Goodbye forever. and GOODBYE FOREVER!

When I saw those harsh and clearly sarcastic words, I couldn't help but be reminded of a certain someone.
W-What the hell are you looking at me for!?

Sin... Uh... She really cares about her friends... This game had a pretty big effect on her you know? For something so simple, it still draws out emotion, and questions some really deep facts of life. The ultimate message of the story is that things change, people change, situations change, and that's okay, because regardless of the choices you make, everything will work out for the best in the end. That is the beauty of this deep and unique game...

... Pfft. Wow. You got awfully sentimental there didn't you Sin?
S-S-Shut up! I-I'm a sensitive girl you know!
Ow! Ah... Dammit Sin come back! See? This is why I hate people like Emily. Look at all the trouble they cause! Until next time everybody! We love you all!

A Song For The World! - Omega Quintet

Hello beautiful people of the Internet! And not so beautiful ones... hehe. We apologies greatly for yet another delay in reviews. Ren was too lazy last week (We were busy!) so we decided we needed more time to play this game to bring you a real review. So! Without further ado, it's time to show off Omega Quintet!

At the basics of it, Omega Quintet is a JRPG with a lot of bright colour and charm. Well what do you expect? It's a Compile Heart RPG, that's about all it's got going for it. Now now Sin settle down a little, you've played this one, it's not 'just' a Compile Heart RPG this time. I get that it's got the same sort of... uh... feel to it, that other Compile Heart RPGs have- You mean it's basically an all girl cast fitting about every freaking Japanese stereotype you could possibly imagine, and it's littered with needless fanservice that is a disrespect to every good JRPG out there? That kind of Compile Heart feel!? Uh... Well... yes... but that's kind of what Compile Heart do, let's be fair their JRPG's aren't exactly Final Fantasy or Pokemon quality, the fit a niche and appeal to a... uh... different kind of audience... yeah that's right! A different kind of audience! So... Perverts like you then? I get it, no wonder you buy all their games... I am not a pervert!

Compile Heart RPG's... Pointless fanservice at its pointless finest

Ugh! Anyway my point is that this particular title is a lot more in depth than the everyday RPG they throw out three or four times a year. Seriously, it gets to me how they can make them all so quickly when playing them takes FOREVER. Let's forget about that for now, but that's probably why they're not as popular as more 'quality' JRPG's. The point is there seriously so much more to keep track of and learn in this game it's hard to get to grips with.

You get to change the party's formation as is pretty standard for JRPG's, but in this *turn based-combat* RPG each of the different weapons have a different effective range. Attacking an enemy in the back line with a hammer like an idiot for example will be much more likely to miss, and far less damaging than if you attacked with a Sniper weapon for example. While the differences from this aren't exactly game-breaking, and you can ignore this mechanic for the most part on easier difficulties, optimising your attacks is pretty key as the enemies get stronger... which would be fine if you could properly plan for each fight. Except that's harder than you would think, enemies spawn in random locations in the combat screen so there's no guarantee your AoE abilities will hit all of them every fight. And even more annoying is both you and your enemies will have moves that can knockback and it happens all the time! It's extremely difficult to keep your targets at an effective range so you'll often just end up plowing away at them until they die. There's a lot you have available to play with in combat, it's kind of refreshing to have so many mechanics for great players to really shine. Between knockbacks, delaying turns, the 'voltage' of the battle and bonuses granted when certain moves are used after another there's enough features to get to grips with here that the whole experience feels extremely rewarding for no apparent reason. That's a good thing though right? Totally.

Omega Quintet is one of the few JRPGs that can see you fighting up to ten monsters at once, and it's a pretty impressive spectacle.
Don't usually get to use more the four characters at once either.
Not like this at least. It's nice.

It's great that the combat feels so much more fun than most JRPG's, it doesn't really feel like it gets boring but that's where my praise ends. The story as usual from our friends Compile Heart is about as flat as Sin's chest (What was that!?), the world is being overrun by a dark force called Blare which is mutating people and animals into dark, killer creatures. Our only salvation are the Verse Maidens (Read: Freaking teen idols!), a collection of quirky and colourful teenage girls in true idol-esque attire that defeat Blare and the MAD (those are the monsters) with the power of...! Of.... Oh I can't do it... I love the game but just... It doesn't sound so bad when you're actually playing the game but explaining to the world that they win through the power of song and dance just feels humiliating... They sing, you can hold concerts for them and even produce and upload your own music videos with the girls... They really went all out with the idol theme on this one... It's not even a bad thing, it's implemened well and everything it's just... WHY!? Why IDOLS!? And the 3D dances just make me cringe so hard they look so awkward! Argh!

How does a team that spends so long fighting monsters even get to rehearse! And how can they always look so happy!?
Aww... You're just jealous...
I AM NOT!

The game continues to play the whole idol thing up by explaining that the Verse Maiden's power comes from the support of the fans, and the fights are broadcast with an announcer that you the player get to hear over your battles. Over. And over. And over again. It's like Omega Quintet taking a leaf out of Persona's book as the announcements feel very similar, mentioning a MAD's weakness to you or how injured one of your party are, except it's also doing it in the style of a narrator from an episode of 1950's Batman in that every other freaking comment is basically screaming "Will our heroes survive!? Find out... In five bloody seconds after the next combination of attack inputs!" She's uh... not a big fan of idols and divas...

If you pan the camera down enough on the field the girls will cover their skirts and tell you not to look. It's a unique and nice little tou- Ow!
You... Pervert!

With all that said though Omega Quintet still has its charms. The girls are all unique to extremes: The main heroine Otoha is a energetic young girl that always dreamed of being a Verse Maiden except she's also a nervous wreck that can't get anything right when she finally gets her chance. There's also Nene, a quiet and shy girl that says some really morbid things in secret and loves sniper rifles. She's exactly my type of girl. I always knew you swung that way Sin... I-I DO NOT! REN YOU IDIO-

So that's all we have this week everyo-
Hey! Don't cut me off like tha-
I refuse.
Wha- You can't jus-
I just did. Look forward to next weeks post everyone! We hope this one was worth the wait! Until then beautiful readers! We love you all!
Grrrr..... REN! You're going to pay for this!
Oh be quiet Sin... You're such a diva.
... What did you just say...?
...Ah... uhm.... N-Nothing!

TKO!! - Punch Out!! (Wii)

Hello not so beautiful people of the Internet! And beautiful ones, of course... heh... Okay I do not like doing it this way. Shut up you. I'm Sin, and that's Useless (My name is Ren!) and today it's time to check out a slightly older game we've picked up recently... and boy is it amazing! Punch Out for the Wii... I never expected it to be this good and addicting... Yeah well, you never were one for punching people in the face. I on the other hand have been perfectly in my element the past few days... Yeah you like to beat up macho buff guys and laugh while you're doing it. And you wonder why you've never had a boyfr- Ow!

M-Moving on! Punch Out!! on the Wii is a 2009 reboot of the old NES game Mike Tyson's Punch Out, a simple and unique boxing game starring Little Mac, who you may recognise from Super Smash Bros. 4. The game sees you dodging and throwing punches in a series of progressively more difficult fights against various quirky boxers that attack in different patters and with different speeds. it's as simple as it sounds but remains super fun to play and at the same time very challenging.

"You know what... This time... I win!"
Referee is apparently tired of not winning matches.
He doesn't exactly lose either you know.

The Wii remake adds a lot more depth to the original game and is arguably twice as fun if not even more so. Though the story is basically the same as the previous game (winning a dozen or so fights until Little Mac claims the world title from Mike Tys- I mean... Mr Sandman), so much charm is added to the characters through their animations, taunts and movements that it makes it hard not to like any of them in some way shape or form even if they often are just dicks to Mac. All the characters from the previous Punch Out make a return here with a number of other fun new ones to enjoy fighting. Backstories are fun and entertaining and the light-hearted style and atmosphere of the game really helps bring out it's entertainment value. There's a lot of quirks and arguably racist jokes regarding the characters, each of whom hail from a different part of the world. Take note that the French guy is the weakest of them all and Piston Hondo (Honda) from Japan basically acts like he's a freaking car! Japan don't only make cars guys! Come on!

Always trust the Irish to be cheaters
Sin you shouldn't say things like that! ... Even if it is true...

The game at it's core remains deceptively simple. You can dodge to both sides and duck, punch high and low with either hand, block by holding up, and you can earn stars for special moves by punching your opponent at certain times such as countering their punches or while they taunt you. Each opponent has a variety of moves they will throw at you which are pretty random for the most part. I would go so far as to say it's one of the best games for improving your gaming ability all around as your opponents often launch attacks with very little warning, so dodging in the right direction is extremely difficult without good reactions. Just don't be a dummy and forget you also have to think about which way to dodge because many attacks hit in multiple directions.

The game itself though, as an underlying rule, is primarily about learning. With a learning curve that creeps up at first before evolving into a near enough vertical line, you'll find that after six or so fights it's almost impossible to win a fight first time as enemy punches hit harder, faster and wider. At that point it becomes a case of looking for indicators of which attack is coming, learning the safest way to dodge, and how to counterattack while you lose. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. Right! Right! Right! What really makes the game great is the little extra depth held within. Nothing is ever explained outright to you so it's equally as fun to discover as well as learn. Times when you can get stars, times when you can counter. there's a lot more than you would think, with timings often needing to be so perfect you would hardly believe there are actually so many. You can even KO most opponents in a small number of punches with the right timing and setup, but although it's extremely difficult it's a brilliant surprise when you do, and I wouldn't be surprised if there are many more things to discover hidden within this fun little game that's perfect for killing time providing you don't get too irritated... Right Sin?

Yes that's right! Donkey Kong actually is the secret final boss of this game!
This one is for Princesses everywhere!
You aren't a princess Sin, why are you so passionate...
Sh-Shut up!

Argh! Some of the fights are infuriating I assure you! They basically all but cheat with health regen and barely telegraphed attacks to dodge! I hate it! But that feeling of finally beating the guy that's been wailing on you for the past hour... There's nothing greater...
(Well... At least until the next guy completely slaughters you in under a minute...)

With over 25 difficult and unique fights Punch Out!! on the Wii is a charming title that packs a lot more... hehe... PUNCH! than you might expect. (Sigh... ) It's easy to get into and play so makes a perfect title to pick up and play in a short title while you wait for something. It's a fast paced and fun game of reactions that is definitely worth picking up if you're looking for a challenge and some entertainment. Oh! and it's compatible with the Wii Balance Board and motion controls for you fitness buffs out there too! Just don't come running to us if you break something in frustration okay? Trust me...

Poor Glass Joe... Had the shit beaten out of him all his life and still finds a way to be so happy
He's a lot like you Ren... Weak, pathetic, and a loser...

That's all for this week people! I hope you're really in the mood to enjoy punching guys as much as I do! ...Sin...? Ow! Shut up! Until next time friends! Happy punching!

Sin...? We're not doing the thing...?
What? Ew god no I hate saying that.
But Sin...
I told you to shut up! Now come on Ren let's spar!
W-What? Oh no please...